Authors Note: I was completely baffled when I first read that the fanfics enclose a complete subgenre named self-insertion. No, not what you think. Despite all my wild fantasies, I lacked the perversion to come up with that concept.
Let's close this hole no, not what you think in the usual twisted way...

My Date With Vampirella, Parts 1-178. (Tip to the hat to Patrick Keller for the title)

I walked into the party like I was walking onto a yacht. I had one eye in the mirror but I wouldn't have needed that to spot Vampirella.
They say Vampirella has a magic spell over any red-blooded male. Well, take some dose of your own medicine, Vampi. Here comes Prince Charming! I could almost see the "TILT!" sign in her eyes as she fell for me.
Needless to say, Adam van Helsing was not amused.
"This is MY girl, jerk!" he shouted. "Vamoose!"
I looked at him from above. "Says you and what army?"
"Says me and this fist!" He fired off a straight left at my chin. I elegantly sidestepped and the momentum made him crash into the bar.
"Adam, you oaf!" Vampirellas fangs were gleaming dangerously. "I'm not your property! You immediately excuse yourself to this gentleman!"
Evidently he had other plans, as he drew his good old 38 whose silver bullets did put more than one monster out of business. Of course I could have knocked it from his hand, but there were too many innocent bystanders endangered. Luckily, Vampis eyes turned from emerald to burning red and put him under her Drakulonne hypnosis. "OK. a)Put down the gun, b) leave the room, c) never come back!"
And that was the last we saw of Adam van Helsing.

"Men. Childish behavior since 4000 years. Present company excepted. C'mon, let us confiscate a table for two." Vampirella headed straightly for a nice secluded corner. All the girls at the party were throwing eyes at me but Vampirellas looks said: "MINE!" And who would have had the nerve to argue with Vampi? Maybe Leela, but she had no surplus eye to throw.
Pardon the jest.
"So, may I order a glass of fine Rh+ for you or do you prefer it warm from the jugular?" Vampi purred: "I only drink human blood when I'm starved beyond reason, kill a baddie or to conclude a VERY personal night."
Well, I called that an invitation.
And the oysters we had instead weren't objectionable either.

Vampirellas room could be termed spartanic. Well, what would she need anyway, being rarely at home with all the ghostbusting around the world, having limited dietary habits and a wardrobe closet meaning sudden starvation to all moths?
The ritzy bed, then, was another thing.
"I think I may unzip my present now," Vampi giggled and peeled of my designer clothing which had costed me my controlling block of Enron. (A good swap, I'd say.) "And off with the undies! Eek!"
I could swear that the Fearless Vampire Slayer looked a bit scared first.
"Great Goddess, I haven't seen such a giant since I lambasted some horny centaurs on my holiday in Greece!"
"Well, vampires must be impaled, right?"
"Oh yes, impale me now, you stud!" Vampirella ripped off her bikini and showed her URK?

"B, B." Faith wagged her head beside the corpse of Andrew Wells which lied in an evergrowing puddle of blood.
"I...well...damn, I peeked and this was so sick! Evil! Dis-gus-ting!" Buffy pulled out the manuscript from the typewriter, grabbled a candle and set it on fire.
Faith shrugged. "To be frank, I would have run a stake through him already at the TILT! part."

The End