(Authors note: Mild guro. In fact so mild that I wouldn't post this on Gurochan, lest being saged as a lamer. In any case, you've been duely warned.)
Aphrodite was bored.
"No romantic love tragedy lately. This is untenable! Eros, go and shoot a random person! No, wait! Shoot Hades! Ha! The God of Underworld himself! That will be fun!" "Eh, Mom, he usually runs around with his stealth cap. Aaaand he is a god." "Then use the heat-seeking rocket launcher instead of bow and arrow! Youth of today! Think once for yourself!" "Yes, Mom!" Eros griped and went off into generic Underworld direction toting Love Missile F1-11.
It was a little wonder that Eros' shot really hit home. Underworld is not Hell, but think of all the volcanic vents in Greece. In any case, Hephaistos, incidentally the husband of Aphrodite, was a real talented engineer. Hades never saw coming what hit him. But he felt a sudden love urge for... eh, nevermind, he was a main god, brother of Zeus, *something* would yield...
"And don't run away too far!" Demeter cried. "Mom, I am a goddess!" Kore retorted. "Things...happen!" "Mom, the last putsch on Olymp was eons ago! Just because your father ate you for breakfast...well, I can be very inedible! I even take all my flower nymphs with me!" "Well OK, but be back for lunch! It's nectar and ambrosia!" It's always nectar and ambrosia, Kore thought. If only something interesting would happen...
So Kore was frolicking with Crino, Rhodope, Astraia and Kissos (eh, better let's give them more decent names: Lily, Rose, Daisy and Ivy) on the fields of Sicilia and bored herself to death (save from the fact she was immortal). Then Ivy tripped over a flower she never had seen before. "Oh, look!" Daisy giggled. "They are shaped like a phallus!" "It's a dick weed!" "Be careful that it isn't rapeseed!" "Or an Injuniper!" (Authors note: Untranslatable gruesome greek puns were translated into untranslatable gruesome English puns. Or Japanese, in the last case.) "Hey, bitches, I'll show you how a proper fellatio is done! Sluhuuurp!" So they were taunting and snickering until all were in place, when suddenly the phalli shot out of the earth, opened up, gulped down the surprised girls and trapped them. Next some smaller phallus came out from the root of the flower and squirmed into the vagina of Lily. "Ohnoes, it's a rapeseed after all!" The girls screamed in terror as a seed with wriggling content moved upward the phallic stem, but their tight cage muffled all cries for help. The last one to be packed in properly was Kore, as the plant had problems to gulp down her oversized boobs (a maternal inheritance).
"Nooo! It impregnated me!" "It's wriggling in my womb!" "My belly swells!" "Mmmmmpf!" The last comment was by Rose, as the plant decided further comments would be unnecessary for the story plot and plugged the mouths of the poor girls with another phallus. Slowly, the stems retracted down into the earth, dragging down the quintet. The plant played with it's helpless victims by placing sucker petals at their nipples and clits. I assure you, this wouldn't work on Hera, Athena, Artemis, Hestia... (or any mortal woman in real life - you are no god, you won't get away with rape, and don't even think of telling the judge *I* gave you the idea), but these beauties were four ever-horny nymphs and one fertility goddess. All that sucking and pulsating and squirming quickly brought them to orgasm. And another. And another...
"Oh well", thought Hades, who naturally WAS the plant. "I'm the God of the
Dead. Stop when on top."
After megagasm #239, Lilys heart failed.
A five litres cumshot filled Roses lungs. She drowned in cum.
The plant cage contracted around Daisys neck and strangled her.
One squirmer worm bit Ivy into her womb. The poison killed her on the spot.
Hades dragged his trophies down into the Underworld. Kore was still alive, as she was a full-fledged goddess (the nymphs only were half-goddesses and thus could be killed by a god). He had to think about that problem later.
"Here, you're new home. Get accustomed, it will be eternal." "What...I'm a shadow...that bastard killed me!" "Me too!" "When? What? I was too busy orgasming to notice!" "Me too!" "Rest assured I file a complaint to your brother!" "Me too!" "Still, he fucks like a God!" "Oh yeah!" "Oooooh yeaaaaah!" The nymphs and Kore were chattering all across the Underworld. Hades evidently had bitten off more than he could chew. "Ehm, Kore, do you want to be my wife and rule the Underworld with me?" he stammered. Then the effect of Eros' RPG hit finally wore off. "Oh Dis, you stud! Anything to get away from Mom for some time!" Kore purred. "I better change my name to Persephone so she doesn't find me so fast!" Too late, Hades, in for a drachme, in for an Euro...
HADES&PERSEPHONE were married and lived relatively happily ever after, as most reliable sources agree.
ZEUS&HERA lived unhappily ever after, involving rolling pins over the head, anvils onto the feet and other shenanigans.
DEMETER raised a giant stink. Hilarity ensued, except for anybody involved. Finally, Zeus decreed that Persephone would live the winter with her husband and the summer with her mother. Nobody was exactly satisfied with that, but the arrangement held until pending clima desaster. (For sordid details, cf. your trusty Ovid.)
LILY, ROSE, DAISY & IVY were changed into plants by Zeus. In summer they blossom in Sicilia and in winter they accompany Persephone in the Underworld and have a ninesome with her, Hades and Cerberus. Plus anybody wanting to join. (Something tells me my trusty Underworld informer grossly exaggerated, especially the part with Cerberus.)
APHRODITE got a full portion of Demeters wrath, for the pornographic details of that consider the other mythcrackfics (or is that crackmythfics?) of this author.