One day a ducked beggar woman knocked at the merchants house, and
Invidia and Avaritia, the vain daughters, would have fed her
with knuckles - not the porcine kind, I say - if Arantxa hadn't
intervened and donated her her own meagre meal.
"God bless you, girl, I see in your future you will marry in silk!",
the crone said. Invidia and Avaritia cackled: "Silk, how utterly
posh! I prefer brocade! No, make that purple!"
Eh, how did you guess so fast the crone was a fay in disguise?
Just the next day, the merchant went off to another business
travel and asked the three girls what to bring for a present.
"A golden ring!" said Avaritia. "Me too!" said Invidia.
"And I want..." Arantxa tried.
"You get nothing, because Daddy is already broke after he bought
our presents!" cheered Avaritia and Invidia unisono.
"All gold for us! Bug off!" "In that case, bring me a gold bug."
Arantxa wasn't exactly the indulgent type. Maybe she couldn't
walk around ritzy, but she wouldn't take any shit from her
stepsisters. The meek inherit the earth, my ass.
"Try a silkworm instead or she'll never get her wedding gown!"
Avaritia and Invidia gibed while the merchant hastily threw
his trusty steed into second gear to avoid another earful of
bitching. He really loved all his daughters, but he was of the
henpecked variety. One copper penny too many spent on Arantxa,
and his second wife Luxuria would get her migraine month.
The deals went along with 300% revenue and the merchant bought his greedy daughters two filigrees that Godzilla could have worn as a cockring. Alas, no bug. It simply was the wrong season. So he went home with a guilty conscience. A days walk from home a thunderstorm caught him, and he had to flee into an ACME Scary Castle. "Anyone home?" the merchant yelled to hide his anxiety, but only the ACME Hollow Echo answered.
And then he saw, caught in a spider web, a nicely conserved
gold bug. "Now that's lucky!" he exulted, ripped it out of
the net, turned around and looked in the eyes of a monster
spider who sneaked up his behind in the meantime for an ACME
dramatic entrance. "Do you know what I do with people that steal
my breakfast?" The merchant nearly shat into his pants, as he
guessed the obvious answer - he would become breakfast.
But he wouldn't have been a merchant if he wouldn't have
tried to bargain. It was hard work.
"Nah. Forget it. Cockrings? Ehm. No. I'm a spider, dummy.
Nope. No money. Actually, I'm a handsome prince and the
Generic Evil Witch put a spell on me. So, if the happenstance
arises of you having an attractive daughter to redeem me...
No, I don't take your word. Sorry, nothing personal.
I may be a sucker but not of that variety.
We make a contract. All highly official. Now there must be
some spare lawyer in my dungeon somewhere..."
Later, after a hasty return to home sweet home...
"Oh, such lovely rings! You did WHAT? A monster spider? No way!
It happened in search for Arantxas present, so she will go!"
Avaritia and Invidia protested angrily. "Daddy, I love you,
and I will make the deal square", wept Arantxa, and she went
off to meet her fate.
"Arantxa marries a monster spider! Arantxa marries
a monster spider!" Avaritia and Invidia chanted in glee.
When Daddy, two days later, came to the details with the prince,
enchanted, probably rich, which he left out in the first haste,
they were not so happy anymore. "Why didn't you tell us
firsthand, idiot?" they snarled, mounted a steed and went after
her stepsister just in case. Her mother Luxuria joined them,
also just in case. When there was a hefty profit lurking,
she couldn't renege.
"Um, eh, pleased to meet you, Mr. Spider." "You know...
the usual curse...bla...pityful beauty...blabla...
sacrifice to monster...now somewhere in that damned dungeon
there was a priest, uhm, northeast to the lawyer or what...
I'm getting oblivious..."
So they married formally, and the priest said "Now you may kiss
the bride", and the spider said, "I and what lips, dummy?",
ripped off her clothes, and wrapped his bride snugly into
a silk cocoon that only left the interesting body parts bare.
(Which proves again that omens have a tendency to come true
in other ways than you think.)
Arantxa thought: "I will not squeal. You can eat my alive
but I will not give you the gratification of hearing me
squeal."
Big words. After the spider glued a dragline to her nipples
and clit and played on it like a violin, Arantxa squealed
forever in ecstacy until he had to gag her with another silken
contraption to prevent damage to her vocal chords. With
pleasure, he slurped her love juices. "Time to sire a heir now,
I think." A throbbing vagina greedily welcomed his sperm
depositor. "Oh God, I'm pregnant by a monster spider",
was Arantxas last conscious thought before she passed out
with a final multiple orgasm.
"Eh, shouldn't we now come to the 'SHAZAM!' part?" pondered
the spider, still being a spider.
"SHAZAM! If you insist..." A hag appeared from nowhere, and
it was easy to guess it was the same we already met in §2.
"No, not you shazam, I shazam! As in Redemption and suchlike?"
"Here, read the fine print, your eight eyes are better than
mine anyway. Like, the part with the sacrifice."
"Huh?"
"Now look at her." The hag pointed to the still squirming
Arantxa. "Just had the orgasm of her life. Wouldn't call
that much of a sacrifice, eh?!"
"Bitch!" he swore, jumped onto her and bit her head off.
Unluckily, that didn't break the spell either.
The next day, Arantxas belly was already fully swollen.
(Why suffer nine months when there is magic working?)
And then she gave birth to three pretty big (I mean
pretty and big, not pretty big) shelobs which quickly
began to milk her dry.
Three suckers, two teats, one problem. But before the
newborn princesses could start to decimate themselves,
the step family came trampling in.
It was a shock to Luxuria, Avaritia and Invidia who expected
gratuituous riches and met a hungry shelob instead each.
Soon they were hanging tied next to Arantxa. And got
the same violin treatment to make her love juices flow.
(Remember spiders can only eat liquid nourishment?
This comes extremely handy as a lame plot device.)
As a precaution I mention that the shelob princesses
had grown so fast that they were of legal age by now.
Which of course also implied they already were fertile.
Luxuria, Avaritia and Invidia couldn't exactly enjoy
their orgasms when they felt a bunch of spider eggs
inserted into their wombs which began to grow quickly.
"Oh God!" they squealed inbetween the orgasms. "It's
crawling up my left tube! I'm eaten alive! AAAAAH!"
"Nooo!" cried Arantxa (the spider prince just had
removed her gag to try out a 69 position - a small
consolation after he'd been frigged so dastardly).
"Even if they are greedy bitches! They are my sisters!
Abolition of death sentence for mere character crimes
in fairytales MMPHHHH!"
So much for the phrase "eat ones words", somewhat eased
by an ample amount of spider cum.
And also the merchant, worried about the fate of his
family, and having followed them, came in, saw his family
being eaten, and by chance spotted a cupboard with
spelt "In case of plot impasse emergency, BREAK GLASS!".
SHAZAM!
"Oh, my evil sister Maleficia. Not pleased to meet you.
Lost her head. Serves her right. I kept telling you,
don't screw around with cliches or you will
meet a dire end. Oh, my name is Copoutia. Now will you
three stop screaming, it will take hours until the
little spiders have sucked you to death and you are
still just at the prolonged ecstasy phase. Ah bugger,
why do I always have to clean up after her!"
And with hereashazam, thereashazam, she gave back the
human form to the prince and Arantxas three princesses.
"Uhm, I better don't change the hundreds of spiders already
inside you into human form, that could turn out into
a space problem", Copoutia declared. "And they are just
clones of the princesses anyway. Hmmm, magic them away?
No!" She poked Luxuria, Avaritia and Invidia into the
navel. "I just put them into stasis, and each time you
will do something nasty to poor Arantxa again, a tiny
spider will awake and bite you! OK, I think I sorted
this mess out properly. Hiho Silver and away!"
And that was that. Avaritia was married to the lawyer and Invidia to the priest, the merchant hauled Luxuria away to cockpeck her back, the new princesses Lydia, Ariadne and Biliku found some handsome princes who didn't complain at all about their somewhat strange mating habits, Arantxa complained to the prince that his spider form had been much better in bed, and everyone lived relatively happily after, as far as it is possible in such a screwy fairytale.
The End