Do a Barrel Roll

It was party time in Speckles. Butlers were scurrying around to supply the upper class, which had shown up to the last baronetikin to celebrate the remarriage of King Wimpo. (And of course to commit a massacre at the foodstocks of Allyl Castle.) Only the Prince couldn't bring himself into a proper party mood, after all it was *his* mother Queen Agape who was last seen too close to Centaur Forest...and then no more. Ear witnesses disagreed - some heard hooves, some a female squeal, some the whoosh of a tranquilizer dart or maybe a lasso. Be that as may - after a bashful waiting time of a week, the king had declared her legally Centaur-raped and dead.
"If you had asked me earlier, I could have lend you a few of my ninjas," Tenno Ohtsuki stated. (Speckles' parties were estimated even in Nippon.) "No thanks," the King retorted, "we have a fickle peace with the Centaur horde and it better stays that way. Do you have any idea what Centaur archers can do? Our neighbor Screwsbury wanted to find out. Let's just say that since then Screwsbury no longer was a military threat to us and still suffers from a lack of nubile women." He changed to whisper mode. "OK, horsenapping the Queen IS blatantly asking for war, but under us, she got boring after 20 years. Ah, times were so much better when they died in childbed on a regular basis..."
"Can we come to the wedding ceremony now?" the mother of the bride interjected unpatiently, dragging a raved-haired beauty after her. "Yeah, surely. Your daughter will be a lovely Queen. Oh, by the way, one of our guests just told us an interesting crime in his land - some witch daughter stole the identity of the true princess because she wanted to marry the king, but the caper folded on last minute. What would be the proper penalty, my Queen-to-be?" "Severe!" the bride cackled. "She should be stripped naked and put into a barrel spiked with nails!" "And rolled down the hill, into the river!" her mother seconded. The scenery exploded on cue, several things happening at once.

"GUARDS!" the King exclaimed. Some ninjas had sneaked up on the witch and her daughter and cuffed them with cold steel. Through a side gate the Prince came in with a rather deranged looking young blonde. "The true bride, my ladies. Abused by you shedevils - if we had had time to wash her, her beauty would have forced anyone to wear shades. My, my, I wouldn't have guessed that you are so bloody stupid to fell for 'Ye Olde Speak your own verdict' shenanigan. Well, I think we can directly proceed with part A of it," he proclaimed and ripped off the clothes of the false bride and her mother. The guests cheered - this party was going to become over the top. "But...but my curse forbade her to tell any person!" the witch squealed. "Well, talk to my hand," the Prince jeered. "Like she did, too." "Bugger! Hells bells! Cheat! Fucked over by a loophole! Damn your eyes and your nose too! Argh! The iron negates my powers!" The witch and her daughter writhed angrily and tried to block the sight on her interesting parts, to not much avail.
"Ah! I see that out guests already emptied the one or other beer keg. Time we move to part B. Do we have a carpenter somewhere? And where is the priest, we have a marriage to proceed! Ah, there he is, quaffing MY drum of beer!" The Prince skulked annoyedly into a corner and tried to drown his sorrow in hydroxyethane.

Later that evening...
"Noooo! Please! Have mercy! I mean, it was just a case of mistaken identity! You can't kill me for that!" the witch daughter wailed. "MMMPF! GNM! GLLPF!" seconded the witch who additionally had been gagged, for obvious security reasons. The guards just poked them forward with their pikes (they also could have piked them forward with their pokes, but that would have been VERY silly), and grinningly opened the barrels, revealing the impending grisly fate that awaited them. The daughter fainted, and the witch mother squirmed even more.
"You see, to quote unquote our new Queen-to-be," one guard said, "if fucking with identity would be punishable with death, half of the Internet people would do a barrel roll now. And although you, again citing our majesty, shoved her around in the dirt at day and did naughty things involving a strap-on at night, she lowered the punishment from nine inch nails to nine inch dildos. In you go!"
They needed three men to put the witch into the barrel and nail the cover shut. And then things got rolling. Centrifugal force pressed the witch with her back against the barrel, and before she could say uncle, the largest dildos available in her prison had slipped into her ass and vagina. Faster and faster the barrel rolled downhill, and deeper and deeper she was penetrated, until the steel monster even pressed through her cervix and into her womb. Luckily, the other intruder had a large knot which got stuck in her ass, or she wouldn't have survived her punishment. "GGL! MPPMPH!" her cries could be heard from afar (a rough translation being "Oh no! Iron in my womb destroys my witch powers permanently!"), followed by a big "KERSPLASH!" when the barrel fell into the river and slowly drifted into Centaur territory.
"What a tasty minx. I would fuck her on the spot but the blacksmith forgot a relevant hole in my armor..." "The King will drill you another asshole if we delay justice! Lets get ready to roll!" retorted another guard. Together they placed the daughter belly-down in the barrel, hand and feet tied to the back. And off she went! She came to her senses, felt a thick invader gliding into her pussy, cried "Noooo!" and prompty got a colleague of him into the mouth. Helpless, she got sandwiched firmly inside the barrel. She couldn't have chosen her position better, as some surplus dildos were exactly in the right spots to stimulate her clit and breasts with every revolution. "MMH! MMH!" she screamed, and when the barrel bumped over a stone, she promptly had an orgasm. This and the permanent whirling made her faint again, and she too splashed into the river, swamped away for an interesting fate.
"You call THAT a punishment?" one guard said to the other. "She sounded very much as if she had enjoyed her ride." "Oh, just wait until the Centaurs unpack their present..."

Still later that evening...
"Look, Paps, two beer kegs! Isn't King Wimpo giving a party tonight? Guess he's ashamed for forgetting to invite us!" "OK, Junior, you stay here while I fish them out!" "GLB GGL!" said the third member of the threesome, but naturally she could't talk with an ACME "Centaurs Friend" (a special mouth spreader gag which protects your dick from the dental wrath of your rape victim) and thirty centimeters of Centaur front penis in her throat. "No, Queen, I don't think your opinion on the matter is relevant! But first: Ah YEEEES!" Accompanied with that cry was a big cumshot of Paps front penis which went directly into Queen Agapes lungs. She gasped for air when Paps rectracted from her throat, cum dripping from mouth, nose and even ears. "Louts! Perverts! Horsenapping and raping the Queen of Speckles! If my husband wouldn't be such a pant-shitter, he would have declared war...OOOOH!" The Queen couldn't end her rant as interesting things happened at her other relevant orifice, which was at the mercy of Junior, who had swung his front hooves over a tree branch, and tied Agapes hands to his back and her legs over his rump (such that her face was on the right height for blowjobbing his father). Even more relevant were the 50 centimeters of Centaur hind penis that already stretching her vagina beyond belief, and Junior just had flared and stretched her even more.
Paps just came back, one barrel under each arm. "Boy, they are heavy! And you, quit nagging! Haven't we put the Seal of Demeter around your neck, which protects the wearer from suffocating during blowjobs..." "Aaaah!" "...and makes a woman so adaptable that she could fuck a sperm whale - although I never saw a sperm whale in this river, so we can't try THAT out..." "Maybe one of King Wimpos guest brought an elephant...Oh, I'm cumming!" "Aiiiiii!" A cum tsunami rushed into Agapes womb, and she writhed in lust. "...not even speaking of that even a drop of sperma in her reproductive organs will put her into total orgasm? Now talking about a Centaur load! Say, you are cumming again, right?" "And...it's still...rape..." Agape managed to moan before she fell unconscious from lust overflow.
"Now where is my crowbar? Junior, how often did I tell you to put back the tools where...hey, how the fuck did it end up THERE... nevermind...NNNNNG...well, suck my dicks!" "Paps, wouldn't that be incest? And are the barrels empty? Wimpo, this means WAR!" "Not you, you twit! And no, although there isn't any booze in it, but...now let's open the other fucker...HA! Today must be my birthday!" "Today IS your birthday, Paps! And what the fuck IS in the fucking barrels?" The curious Junior untied the passed-out Queen, jumped off the branch and came to look at the barrels, too. "More girls, son, more girls!" He pulled out the two limp bodies, who came to her senses only slowly. "Ok, that's not a girl, that's a mother. Of the girl, as it looks to me. I bet that the King had an axe to grind with them. Ye olde nailed barrel treatment. Good that he just used nine inch dildos instead of nine inch nails, so that we can enjoy them too! Say what, I fuck the mother, you the daughter, and the Queen we'll bring back tonight and swap her against some beer. She's already getting boring after a week..." Agape had awoken again and called the Centaurs very unroyal names. "Just wait I get a weapon on my hands and then I spay you fuckers!" She crept back on all fours, and Juniors dick slid out of her, leaving her vagina wide open. "Oh, poor thing, I can see your cervix from here, you must feel totally empty now!" quipped Paps, picked her up and shoved her onto the largest dildo in barrel #2, banging the lid shut again with his fist. Queen Agape still had much to say, but all that arrived on the outside was "$%&'*!!!". "So, I think we should now give our newcomers a ride, right?" "Not that I'd complain, but why did you fetch Mom?" "Because she's wider and I'm larger. That's what I call a fit. And moreover, do you want to become your own grandfather? No time to explain the joke, they are stirring! Quick, let's bring them in position!" That position, by the way, was Centaur Rape Standard #1 - bellyriding under the Centaurs, with the horse penis stuffed into the vagina and the human penis into the throat (of course using a Centaurs Friend, they had a whole bag of those, just in case). Surely, they had other positions from the Centaur Kamasutra (like gagging the victim with their horse penis, which was considered as the second-to-ultimate penalty - the ultimate being taking away the Seal of Demeter then...), but this one was most natural and their absolutely loved favorite. And then the Centaurs began galloping through the forest. Each hoofbeat shoved the penises deeper down the orifices. The (ex)witch and her daughter squirmed and pedalled, but there was no escape from the pounding intruders. Finally, their cervixes gave way (Kids, don't try this at home without the Seal of Demeter, it hurts like fuck). The penises flared up and locked themselves firmly in the wombs and larynxes and flooded all available space with cum. Both women passed out with a gigantic orgasm (as you can guess, Centaurs also always have a whole bag of Demeters Seals ready just in case a girlschool makes an excursion in Centaur Forest - the Bona Dea is giving them away freely - and women are hard to come by in a Centaur forest, so don't waste them).
"And now to Allyl Castle!"

Still still later that evening...
The true bride had been washed, groomed, redressed and still not been married (the priest was bombed to the gills). "Sod that bum", the King mumbled to the Princess. "I'm the King and hereby decree that tonight I fuck you senseless, ceremony or not. That can wait until tomorrow, when the priest is sober again. As if anyone could calculate nine months to the day. Please wait in the large bridal room, I'm with you in a moment. Maybe I can awake this lush with some buckets of water..."
The Princess was waiting in the big room. Oh, such a big bed, probably two elephants could have made love in it. And what was standing there in the edge? "ACME Barrel Love Machine, in case you get bored. Give my regards to the carpenter. Signed, King Wimpo!" She snickered and undressed. Ahem, so there was crank to rotate the contraption around the horizontal axis if you pulled lever B, and an opening to lay her head in, and now she had to fold her legs inward and put them through holes X and Y and...
SLAM!
A spring mechanism brought down the upper part of the machine, trapping the Princess. Another spring S plugged her with a dildo, and then the whole barrel began to spin, making her vagina rotate around the dildo. "Oh! OOOH! Not so fast! Heeeeeelp!" At that moment the King came in. "Ah, I see you found your new toy. Do you like it?" "OOOH! Feeling...dizzy...please make it stop...no, don't stop...AAAH!" "Women. Never can make their mind up. Looks like we don't make a heir tonight anyway. In that case, say AAAH!" "AAAMMMMPF!" The King had unpacked his royal boner and stuffed into the mouth of the Princess. "Hey, watch your teeth. Where is a Centaurs Friend when you need it?" He pulled lever B'' to brake the machine to an only slow rotation, and the Princess thanked it with devotedly sucking off her would-be husband.
Why the Prince also came into the room at the moment, nobody knows. He was rather drunk, and probably wanted to cry out at his fathers big chest. He wasn't drunk enough to not getting a big boner at the scene. His father was short before blowing off, and no teetotaler either, which might have explained his not very thouroughly thought-through action. "Son, cheer up, dammit! This is a royal order! Pull spring S2, then the dildo falls out and you have a hole for yourself! Nothing that cheers up better than a good fuck!" The Prince didn't need any second invitation, and thrusted deep into the rotating depths of the Princess. Then the trio came in rapid succession: first the King ("Yeeeeah! Swallow royal semen, bitch!"), then the Prince ("Oh Baaaaaby!") and finally the Princess ("Speaking of babies, you made me preeeegnant! AAAAAH!". A fairytale Princess knows such a thing.) The Prince opened the Love Barrel and helped her out. "Pregnant? Uh, wait..."
Now it also dawned to the King that the situation had gotten royally fucked up. Luckily, in that moment our two Centaurs came busting through the door. "Maybe I should install a revolving door here? What do you want? War? Peace? Booze? And could you have the decency to, while we are talking, untie those two...wait, haven't we just exmitted those two cunts?" "Say, you three don't look very decent either, erhm? We were in a hurry. Galloped the way all over. With some luck, your offenders have orgasmed to death by now, and you are rid of them, so don't bitch, dude. Here, I think this belongs to you." Paps opened his barrel and shook it. With a big slurp, Queen Agape fell out. "MOTHER! Good god, you're alive!" the Prince rejoyced. "Ah, right! I'm away for just one fucking week and you already begin fucking princesses, Wimpo! You horny li'l...!" "Hey, I never had sex with this woman! Son, you can affirm, right?" "Right, Papa! *I* fucked her, Mama!" "It's only that we haven't married them right now because the priest is asleep from too much beer!" "Right, Papa!" "So my lovely Queen Agape, nothing has happened...Guards, don't be so nosy, noone has died here, save all the ruckus! I *really* should install a revolving door! Shoo! Run into the cellar and fetch a few kegs for our guests!" "Husband, they FUCKING RAPED me for a week! Declare war, NOW!" "Uhm, dear Centaur guests, this is a diplomatically ticklish situation..." He had a flash of ingenuity. "Did she have an orgasm?" "One? I wondered that nobody could hear her squeals from Centaur Forest to Speckle!" Junior declared. (Centaurs think that the victim must orgasm to hell and back, or else it's not considered as proper rape.) "Oh, and don't forget that any woman wandering too near to our forest is considered fair game by an old contract!" Paps assisted Junior. "See, my dear wife! So legally *you* betrayed *me* and..." "Aaargh! This blows out the bottom of the barrel!" Furiously, Queen Agape ripped a sword off the sheath of a guard who just had returned with his arms full with beer kegs and couldn't intervene. It took the united forces of King, Prince, Junior and Paps to disarm her, and for a lack of a better idea, they pushed her into the Love Barrel reversely and cut off her swearings with Spring S.
"Phew. But what now? Hell hath no fury like a woman Centaur-raped." "Oh, simple. *You* fuck her senseless a few hours and she'll calm down eventually." "Eh, don't you see a problem, respective a cervix here?" "Oh, don't worry about your tiny fifteen centimeters wiener, King! Not anyone can be hung like a Centaur, but Demeter's Seal will care for that. Young Prince, you surely want one for your Princess too? She'll stay nicely tight even after birth!" "Oh, it's really lovely how nobody cares what *I* want," the Princess pouted. "But thanks yes, and why shouldn't I marry the Prince. He'd spin me round!" she snickered. "Well, then it's Happy Ever After time, we should ride in the sunset now, the beer is getting warm..." "MMMFFF!" "GGGLG!" "...and Family Witch below needs another orgasm! Princess, if you ever want to try out a REAL dick, and update our peace treaty, you know where we live! Ciao and thanks for the beer!" The Centaurs ran off, carrying two softly moaning figures into an uncertain fate.
The King sighed. "For a few hours, he said. I'm only human, dammit. Son, would you lend...oh, right, I forgot, it's your mother." The Princess giggled. "But he's a real sexy motherfucker, our Prince." She shoved him into the pillars of the giant bed. "So, now we try the same again, let's see how you fare when I'm not helplessly tied up. Oh, and your Majesty, Protip: You own a tongue, which is much better over long spans!" "Hey, but it's much more fun when the girl is tied up!" the Prince retorted, and threw some sheets over her head. Before she knew what was going on, he had wrapped her into some "Cleopatra Bondage". While she squirmed helplessly, he screwed off the four massive golden balls from the bedposts. "Son, if you need money, you just have to say so...but...and why..." "Pops, you old geezer! Never heard of Ben Wa balls?" He threw his father a pair. "Insert here..." Two balls effortlessly (what did I tell about Demeter's Seal?) glid into the depths of the Princess. "Now every movement - and you can be sure that she won't lie still under my tongue torture! - will jingle her bells." "Ah, you young perverts with your contraptions..." the King grumbled and equipped the Queen with a pair too. "OK, mind a bet? First one who brought his partner to hundred orgasms has won. Deal?" "Deal!" "MMMPF! "NNNG!" The partners, naturally, were in no position to utter their opinion, and as soon as royal tongues began to tickle their clits, they fastly lost interest of anything else than the undescribable feeling in their vaginas.
"And 95...and 96...and...Fuck, she passed out! Should have given her more air. Princess, say something! I have a bet to win!" "Haaaa-ha! Easy does it. See how your mother writhes in ecstacy. Now how many orgasms did you have yet?" The King pushed S2. "Oooooh Gooood! My eggs are jumping! I'm preeeegnant!" And then the Queen passed out too, making it a draw.
"Now wait a fucking second..." said the King, who wasn't the brightest candle in the candelabra...

Nine months later...
The witch daughter had become Juniors complete fuckslave, and he thanked the God of Centaurs that she was now ready to birth, as her unsatiable hunger for lust was too much even for a ever-horny Centaur. And her mother wasn't much different in that regards. (Birth AND lust.)
"Oh yeeees!" screamed the daughter. (Demeter's Seal turns even a birth into a super orgasm. You really should get one too.) "Oh yeeees!" screamed the now twice mother. And then the daughter was the mother of a Centaur foal and the mother the mother of a tikbalang, which confused Paps to the max - probably being a witch, ex or not, fucked with Centaur genetics. Or she had some Philippine ancestors. (What the fuck do I know, I'm just the author of this shit.)
"Oh yeeees!" also the Princess in Castle Allyl screamed, when she gave birth to another baby Princess.
"Oh yeeees!" screamed Queen Agape, and then "Oh nooooo!" when she realized she was now mother of a Centaur filly. Then her maternal instincts overruled anything and for the first time since nine months, she did not nagged King Wimpo to declare war on the Centaurs.

About twenty years later...
"I didn't know that a menage a quattro was legal..." the young princess Hippolyte wondered. "Ha, neither the priest, but when Gramps threatened him that her would get no more beer if he wouldn't marry us legally, he quickly found an annex to the Holy book!" snickered Chubby, the young centaur. "Screw the book, I want horsecock in my vagoo! Both of them! Now!" interjected Wheatmane, the young centauress. "Hey, why do you get double of the fun?" Hippolyte pouted. "Because we had a sudded shortage of Demeter's Seals, and before Paps hasn't been hermes'ed a new batch, it's NO horsecock for you!" Kabayo the Tikbalang stated categorically. "Beside that, if I add up genitals, it's a perfect match!"
And so Chubby mounted Wheatmane, and with his front penis he fucked Hippolyte who had climbed on Wheatmanes back, and Kabayo fucked the front end of Wheatmane, and all were happy, and tried some different positions as well, which weren't that perfectly genitally-matched though. Then, in a moment of distraction, Princess Hippolyte impaled herself on Kabayos horse-like penis, since she was pining for monster-dick too. It was a rather brave thing, which could easily have made her pining for the fjords instead, but since this is a fairytale, she didn't get hurt and orgasmed happily ever after.

The End