Once upon a time, there was the little kingdom of
Bugrid. The joy couldn't have been greater when the
Queen gave birth to a little Princess.
Correction: Of course the King would have preferred a Prince. But the real stinker came when the court seer was questioned about the fate of the Princess. He declared: "When Filia is 18, she will marry an animal!"
Now, this is a fairytale, and instead of inquiring further details, doubting the psychic abilities of the seer, analyzing the exact words (maybe it's Animal of the Muppets...OK, not really an improvement) or just pondering that since every second animal in a fairytale is civilized and can talk, it wouldn't be that much of a social ruin, the King hid his daughter in the lowest dungeon so that no eyes, feral or otherwise, could fall on her. Which was a real shame, given that already with 16, she had become more beautiful than her mother. So there. We know what regularly happens to such hare-brained schemes to avert a prophecy, let Princess Filia rot in the dungeon and switch the place of action.
Once upon a time, there was another little kingdom
of Soddid. It also had a King and a Queen, as well as
a Prince who just had managed to royally piss off his father.
Maybe he started smoking, what do I know, so he got
thrown out of the castle, with the order not to
come back before his father could be proud of him
again. And off he marched into the woods with nothing
rusty sword (wait, that's a typo in the old
manuscript) trusty sword, and correctly surmised
in Ye Ancient Times adventures would come ten a penny.
And as he crossed a clearing, he saw a big bear pwning a little snake. Smoker (?!) or not, he was a noble man and got angered about this unfair fight. Quickly, he drew his sword and gave the bear a few smacks on the nose with the blades' flat. Oioioi! As any bully asshole, the bear didn't like at all to be on the receiving side. "Like some more?" asked the Prince. "No, good sir, I have an urgent business of shitting in the woods!" A coward he was too, of course, eloped in no time and was never seen again in this story.
The Prince picked up a tiny golden crown. "Isss
thissss yourssss?" The snake carefully took it out
of his hands...and suddenly became a beautiful Naga
Princess. "Dude, knock it off! Just because I
have a forked tongue doesn't mean I have a
speech impediment! Ha, I can even do other things
with it!" "As?" "This!" And before the Prince
could say uncle, the Naga had de-trousered him
and gave him the blowjob of a lifetime.
Fun fact: Snakes can hold their breath for hours, which comes very handy for jobbing blows.
The Prince first didn't know what to say. Given that the Naga had unhinged her jaw to swallow his balls too in one fell swoop and firmly imprisoned him in her maw, he wisely choose to say nothing more than: "Ooooh! Yes! Deeper! RHA-LOVELY!" Since already the great late Terry Pratchett observed, if someone got you by the balls... he (that is, she) got you by the balls.
Now King and Queen Naga joined the scene,
attracted by the ruckus. "King Ophiuchus and
Queen Echidna, pleased to meet you. I see you
already met our daughter Nyoka. I hope that
this act is voluntarily for both sides, since
otherwise I'd be forced to bite you, leading
to a horrible painful death?" "MMMPFFFGGLL!"
said Nyoka to the Prince's defense, and the Queen
giggled: "You mean, like, raping her by, of all
things, putting his family jewels at the mercy of
her fangs? Veeery probable."
"Prince Hugin, to your service. I'd saved the life of your daughter, which she could probably explain better than me, if she wouldn't be too well educated to speak with a full mouth. AAAAH!" Amazingly, he could make conversation and ejaculate at the same time. He was a very well educated gentlemen after all. (Save for the smoking.)
After unknotting, Princess Nyoka begged to marry
Prince Hugin on the spot. "He's so cuuuute!
I want him as a pet!" "No, daughter, this
is a bad idea. We're near-immortal Nagas.
Rarely ever a good thing comes from such a
union." "And what about Uloopi and Arjuna?"
This fell on deaf ears and Nyoka tried a different
angle. "Boohoo! He, uhm, defiled me!" "She *does*
have a poi..." "Silly human! Nyoka, it's not
nice to snooker your saviour that way! As we don't
have those preposterous moral issues! Hey, she
is even still a virg..." "Not any longer!"
Before anyone could react, Nyoka had sucked
Hugin's dick into her little vagina slit
and kept it in a vice grip. "Quick, fertilize
my eggs so nothing can part us!"
Queen Echidna tried the voice of reason. "Daughter, you are acting silly. Why don't you marry a nice Naga Prince. I heard Justin Vieper has the hots for you..."
"VIEPER? Quick, anyone boil my eggs!" Nyoka screamed and freed Hugin's dick, which was happy to escape. And at the rate she had emptied his balls beforehand, nothing was left for crossbreeding anyway.
"Naga girls," sighed the Queen. "I bet I was the same in my youth, until I married my faithful husband. Prince, you've already got your reward from my daughter, but for saving her life, I will grant you the gift to be able to change into any snake at will. Or Naga. Or whatever human snake hybrid you can think of. Farewell, lad, and a little birdie tweeted me you should go that-a-way."
That-a-way, as you probably guessed by now,
was the direction to the other little kingdom.
Here, have a map, any fantasy epos needs one: Lil Kingdom 1 | The Woods | Lil Kingdom 2
The Prince arrived from the woods...and nearly was shot. "Ah, I'm terribly sorry, your Highness!" the Supreme Huntsman exclaimed. (Of course, the royal families of Bugrid and Soddid had made frequent visits at each others castles, and the Prince was well known there. Just the thingy with the prophecy the king kept from public.) He explained: "But we have order to kill all animals merely poking their nose into the direction of our castle or face draconic punishment ourselves!" "Including Naga Princesses giving a hell of a blowjob?" "Whatchasay?" "Nothing. I saw a bear running through the woods in no particular direction, better be on the alert. What's the fuss about anyway?" And so the Huntsmen told him that this was the 18th birthday of Princess Filia, and showed him a picture of her. "And the King keeps her in the dungeon. Not that I'd ever question his orders. But I wish some Prince Charming would come to her rescue. Do you happen to be of Taurus sign? Aries will do too." "Whatchasay?" "Nothing. Random obscure prophecy."
"Rescue. Now that's a suggestion", thought
Hugin, who fell in love with Princess Filia
on the spot when he saw her picture. And
when it was dark, he turned himself into
a tiny snake and paid her a visit. The
dungeon was heavily guarded, but as usual,
they forgot some air vent. Suckers.
The Princess lied in her bed, half into sleep, and absent-mindedly caressed her budding breasts. "I wish my Prince would come, animal or not..." she murmured. "I take that as a FUCK MEEEE!" grinned the Prince, who could see quite well in the dark with his serpentine IR sense. And the hottest glow came from a very inviting spot...
He crawled under the pillows and began to pleasure her with his own forked tongue. The Princess sighed and spread her thighs wide, sinking deeper into sweet dreams. Soon, she was so wet that he could make a little cave expedition in his snake form. He squirmed and writhed in her vagina. Her lustful moanings became louder. The Prince thought it would probably be a good idea to not catch again some uninvited attraction before the accompli was fait.
So he took the form of a giant anaconda now and tied Filia firmly into his coils. Then he slithered one hemipenis into her ass and the other into her vagina and inflated them to maximum pressure. This stimulated her clit so much that she finally orgasmed and woke up. She wanted to scream in lust and terror, but got no air. And then this devilish forked tongue began to play with her clit again. Filia went limp and her body decided just to enjoy the waves of neverending orgasms wrecking her body.
The clock striking midnight was kind of a mood killer, given that half of Bugrid stormed into the Princesses chamber to check if the prophecy had come true. A giant anaconda mating with Filia...guess that counts. "HUUUUUNTSMAN!" Luckily, the huntsman needed too much time to aim for not hitting the Princess so the Prince could change back into human form. "Dude, twice on a day! Don't make this a habit!" "I'm terribly sorry, your Highness, it must be because my great-great-great-uncle was a Marxist revolutionary!" "Prince Hugin?" the King chimed in. "This is an un-ex-cu-sable breach of protocol! If you wanted my daughter, you were supposed to ask me for her hand first! This either means war..." The Queen kicked him fleetingly into his backside. "...or, uhm, what about marrying you two on the spot?" "I WILL! I WILL!" squealed the Princess who regained consciousness just long enough until another orgasm leveled her.
And that was that. The Prince told his adventure with the horny Naga Princess in great detail, and when he was finally done with that, the Princess was about in proper shape again and they could be officially wedded. It wasn't exactly protocol either the wedding was at half past midnight ("sorry, Your Magnificence, no point to go any further risks now") or that from the Nyoka story, the King had a royal boner and the Queen was dripping love juices on the church floor. When at last the ceremony was over, they declared: "Enjoy your honeymoon in Soddid, we have some urgent national business to do and don't want to disturb you." (In fact, they didn't get farther than the churchs cemetary lawn. Ten corpses got green with envy.)
Next day, Prince and Princess entered a splendid
carriage and gallopped their way to Soddid
(detour around the woods). And just when Hugin
thought Filia was fit enough again for another
round of senseless fucking, they ran straight
into the army of King Arsol of the Ashats, who
thought it was a brilliant idea to invade both
kingdoms while everybody was busy.
Hugin thought otherwise, since he had a splendid idea to put his new snake powers to use.
"Close your eyes, my sugarpuss, this is getting nasty!" And he stood in front of the whole Ashat army and turned into a Medusa.
Fun fact: King Arsol was very lucky that there is no such thing as male Medusas, and thus didn't turn into stone on the spot. Still, the horrifying look was enough to stone them metaphorically. And of course, Filia did look, too. "Women..." Hugin sighed, and then he proceeded to fuck her with his snake hair in front of the Ashat army. The Princess could only roll her eyes and let her vagina throb. Then a megagasm raged to her paralyzed body, nearly killing her. "And now to you." The King also could only stare at him wide-eyed. "Filia, what shall I do with this fuckers?" Not surprising, Filia said nothing. "OK, then, nothing...for this time." Prince Hugin picked up a charcoal from the campfire and thoroughly humiliated the Ashats by drawing the King and his Generals some moustaches in their frozen faces.
"But I strongly recommend you get the fuck out of here as soon as you can move again. And never come back. Or else. Because next time it will be 13 chinesemen and a zeppelin." Minutes later, when the carriage was gone, a giant dustcloud could be seen moving away from Soddit at Mach 1.
"Hi Daddy! I punished a bear, seduced a Naga Princess, married the daughter of our neighbor King (but she's a bit exasperated from the festivities), single-handedly defeated the army of King Arsol, who was looking for trouble, and quit smoking! Am I your son?" "My son! You quit smoking? I'm sooo proud of you!" And everything was hunky dory. Then Hugin and Filia vanished into their rooms ("Please, no bondage play this time, my ribs are still hurting from your Anaconda stunt!" "Anything for my sugarpuss. Say, can you lick your own clit?" "What do you think I am, a snakewoman? Well, I can try...NNG... MMMPHHHH!" "OK, I admit it, sugarpuss, this was just a trick to get one hemipenis in your mouth and the other in your vagina. Do you like it?" "MMPHH! MMMM!") and celebrated some more until dark. ("Huh? When did you grew a second vagina?" "Silly human!" "Nyokaaaa? You?" "Yeah. Never thought Justin Vieper would be such an epic fail. And now love me love me LOVE ME for the next hundred years! Sordidly, you humans don't last much longer!" "Sigh. Nyoka, could you grant the snake gift also to my wife? She so lacks stamina. See, she nearly drowned in my cum again!" "Anything for my pet if you love me love me LOVE ME!")
So the Prince lived together with his Princess wife
and his Naga mistress who weren't the leastest jealous
of each other ("ONE HEMIPENIS FOR EACH OF YOU!
THAT'S ENOUGH! BASTA!" "Oh, please, grow some snake hair!"
"Yes, please! More forked tongues!")...for fuzzy
values of jealous. King and Queen Naga just shrugged
with their nonexistant shoulders - her daughter
would grow up soon enough. And they suggested that
it would be quite the fitting time that all
three old royal pairs should resign for the new
United Kingdom Bugrid-And-Soddid-Upon-The-Woods.
And so they did, and they even were so polite to
invite King Arsol to the great ceremony of enthroning
the lovely threesome, but it turned out he himself had
been dethroned by a palace coup lead by some eloped bear
(Mrs. Libel & Mr. Slander had a word that his horny wife
had a few hands in the matter, and possibly also some
lower body parts) and now rotted in the dungeon.
As Kurt Cobain said, Nevermind.
And one year later Filia and Nyoka gave birth to
an egg each ("Much cleaner than this messy human way,
right?" "Please stop your bragging, willya?"),
from which there hatched a most hardboiled Prince
and a most fragile Naga Princess.
And Hugin, Filia and Nyoka coiled and knotted in orgasm and did more eggs-rated stuff, perhaps until someone died from one megagasm too much like in "Barbarella". But otherwise, they lived herpily ever after.