Once upon a time, there was the little kingdom of
Bugrid. The joy couldn't have been greater when the
Queen gave birth to a little Princess.
Correction: Of course the King would have preferred
a Prince. But the real stinker came when the
court seer was questioned about the fate of the
Princess. He declared: "When Filia is 18, she will
marry an animal!"
Now, this is a fairytale, and instead of inquiring
further details, doubting the psychic abilities
of the seer, analyzing the exact words (maybe it's
Animal of the Muppets...OK, not really an improvement)
or just pondering that since every second animal in
a fairytale is civilized and can talk, it wouldn't
be that much of a social ruin, the King hid his daughter
in the lowest dungeon so that no eyes, feral or
otherwise, could fall on her. Which was a real
shame, given that already with 16, she had become
more beautiful than her mother. So there. We know
what regularly happens to such hare-brained schemes
to avert a prophecy, let Princess Filia rot in the
dungeon and switch the place of action.
Once upon a time, there was another little kingdom
of Soddid. It also had a King and a Queen, as well as
a Prince who just had managed to royally piss off his father.
Maybe he started smoking, what do I know, so he got
thrown out of the castle, with the order not to
come back before his father could be proud of him
again. And off he marched into the woods with nothing
than his rusty sword (wait, that's a typo in the old
manuscript) trusty sword, and correctly surmised
in Ye Ancient Times adventures would come ten a penny.
And as he crossed a clearing, he saw a big bear pwning a little snake. Smoker (?!) or not, he was a noble man and got angered about this unfair fight. Quickly, he drew his sword and gave the bear a few smacks on the nose with the blades' flat. Oioioi! As any bully asshole, the bear didn't like at all to be on the receiving side. "Like some more?" asked the Prince. "No, good sir, I have an urgent business of shitting in the woods!" A coward he was too, of course, eloped in no time and was never seen again in this story.
The Prince picked up a tiny golden crown. "Isss
thissss yourssss?" The snake carefully took it out
of his hands...and suddenly became a beautiful Naga
Princess. "Dude, knock it off! Just because I
have a forked tongue doesn't mean I have a
speech impediment! Ha, I can even do other things
with it!" "As?" "This!" And before the Prince
could say uncle, the Naga had de-trousered him
and gave him the blowjob of a lifetime.
Fun fact: Snakes can hold their breath for hours,
which comes very handy for jobbing blows.
The Prince first didn't know what to say. Given
that the Naga had unhinged her jaw to swallow his
balls too in one fell swoop and firmly imprisoned
him in her maw, he wisely choose to say nothing
more than: "Ooooh! Yes! Deeper! RHA-LOVELY!"
Since already the great late Terry Pratchett
observed, if someone got you by the balls...
he (that is, she) got you by the balls.
Now King and Queen Naga joined the scene,
attracted by the ruckus. "King Ophiuchus and
Queen Echidna, pleased to meet you. I see you
already met our daughter Nyoka. I hope that
this act is voluntarily for both sides, since
otherwise I'd be forced to bite you, leading
to a horrible painful death?" "MMMPFFFGGLL!"
said Nyoka to the Prince's defense, and the Queen
giggled: "You mean, like, raping her by, of all
things, putting his family jewels at the mercy of
her fangs? Veeery probable."
"Prince Hugin, to your service. I'd saved the
life of your daughter, which she could probably
explain better than me, if she wouldn't be too
well educated to speak with a full mouth. AAAAH!"
Amazingly, he could make conversation and
ejaculate at the same time. He was a very well
educated gentlemen after all. (Save for the smoking.)
After unknotting, Princess Nyoka begged to marry
Prince Hugin on the spot. "He's so cuuuute!
I want him as a pet!" "No, daughter, this
is a bad idea. We're near-immortal Nagas.
Rarely ever a good thing comes from such a
union." "And what about Uloopi and Arjuna?"
This fell on deaf ears and Nyoka tried a different
angle. "Boohoo! He, uhm, defiled me!" "She *does*
have a poi..." "Silly human! Nyoka, it's not
nice to snooker your saviour that way! As we don't
have those preposterous moral issues! Hey, she
is even still a virg..." "Not any longer!"
Before anyone could react, Nyoka had sucked
Hugin's dick into her little vagina slit
and kept it in a vice grip. "Quick, fertilize
my eggs so nothing can part us!"
Queen Echidna tried the voice of reason.
"Daughter, you are acting silly. Why don't
you marry a nice Naga Prince. I heard
Justin Vieper has the hots for you..."
"VIEPER? Quick, anyone boil my eggs!" Nyoka
screamed and freed Hugin's dick, which was
happy to escape. And at the rate she had emptied
his balls beforehand, nothing was left for
crossbreeding anyway.
"Naga girls," sighed the Queen. "I bet I was the
same in my youth, until I married my faithful
husband. Prince, you've already got your
reward from my daughter, but for saving her
life, I will grant you the gift to be able
to change into any snake at will. Or Naga.
Or whatever human snake hybrid you can
think of. Farewell, lad, and a little birdie
tweeted me you should go that-a-way."
That-a-way, as you probably guessed by now,
was the direction to the other little kingdom.
Here, have a map, any fantasy epos needs one:
Lil Kingdom 1 | The Woods | Lil Kingdom 2
The Prince arrived from the woods...and nearly
was shot. "Ah, I'm terribly sorry, your
Highness!" the Supreme Huntsman exclaimed.
(Of course, the royal families of Bugrid and
Soddid had made frequent visits at each others
castles, and the Prince was well known there.
Just the thingy with the prophecy the king kept
from public.) He explained:
"But we have order to kill all animals merely
poking their nose into the direction of our
castle or face draconic punishment ourselves!"
"Including Naga Princesses giving a hell of
a blowjob?" "Whatchasay?" "Nothing. I saw a bear
running through the woods in no particular
direction, better be on the alert. What's
the fuss about anyway?" And so the Huntsmen
told him that this was the 18th birthday of
Princess Filia, and showed him a picture of
her. "And the King keeps her in the dungeon.
Not that I'd ever question his orders. But
I wish some Prince Charming would come to
her rescue. Do you happen to be of Taurus sign?
Aries will do too." "Whatchasay?" "Nothing.
Random obscure prophecy."
"Rescue. Now that's a suggestion", thought
Hugin, who fell in love with Princess Filia
on the spot when he saw her picture. And
when it was dark, he turned himself into
a tiny snake and paid her a visit. The
dungeon was heavily guarded, but as usual,
they forgot some air vent. Suckers.
The Princess lied in her bed, half into
sleep, and absent-mindedly caressed her
budding breasts. "I wish my Prince would
come, animal or not..." she murmured.
"I take that as a FUCK MEEEE!" grinned
the Prince, who could see quite well in
the dark with his serpentine IR sense.
And the hottest glow came from a very
inviting spot...
He crawled under the pillows and began
to pleasure her with his own forked tongue.
The Princess sighed and spread her thighs
wide, sinking deeper into sweet dreams. Soon,
she was so wet that he could make a
little cave expedition in his snake form.
He squirmed and writhed in her vagina.
Her lustful moanings became louder. The Prince
thought it would probably be a good idea
to not catch again some uninvited attraction
before the accompli was fait.
So he took the form of a giant anaconda now
and tied Filia firmly into his coils. Then
he slithered one hemipenis into her ass and
the other into her vagina and inflated them
to maximum pressure. This stimulated her
clit so much that she finally orgasmed and
woke up. She wanted to scream in lust and
terror, but got no air. And then this
devilish forked tongue began to play with
her clit again. Filia went limp and her
body decided just to enjoy the waves of
neverending orgasms wrecking her body.
The clock striking midnight was kind of a mood killer, given that half of Bugrid stormed into the Princesses chamber to check if the prophecy had come true. A giant anaconda mating with Filia...guess that counts. "HUUUUUNTSMAN!" Luckily, the huntsman needed too much time to aim for not hitting the Princess so the Prince could change back into human form. "Dude, twice on a day! Don't make this a habit!" "I'm terribly sorry, your Highness, it must be because my great-great-great-uncle was a Marxist revolutionary!" "Prince Hugin?" the King chimed in. "This is an un-ex-cu-sable breach of protocol! If you wanted my daughter, you were supposed to ask me for her hand first! This either means war..." The Queen kicked him fleetingly into his backside. "...or, uhm, what about marrying you two on the spot?" "I WILL! I WILL!" squealed the Princess who regained consciousness just long enough until another orgasm leveled her.
And that was that. The Prince told his adventure with the horny Naga Princess in great detail, and when he was finally done with that, the Princess was about in proper shape again and they could be officially wedded. It wasn't exactly protocol either the wedding was at half past midnight ("sorry, Your Magnificence, no point to go any further risks now") or that from the Nyoka story, the King had a royal boner and the Queen was dripping love juices on the church floor. When at last the ceremony was over, they declared: "Enjoy your honeymoon in Soddid, we have some urgent national business to do and don't want to disturb you." (In fact, they didn't get farther than the churchs cemetary lawn. Ten corpses got green with envy.)
Next day, Prince and Princess entered a splendid
carriage and gallopped their way to Soddid
(detour around the woods). And just when Hugin
thought Filia was fit enough again for another
round of senseless fucking, they ran straight
into the army of King Arsol of the Ashats, who
thought it was a brilliant idea to invade both
kingdoms while everybody was busy.
Hugin thought otherwise, since he had a splendid
idea to put his new snake powers to use.
"Close your eyes, my sugarpuss, this is getting
nasty!" And he stood in front of the whole Ashat
army and turned into a Medusa.
Fun fact: King Arsol was very lucky that there
is no such thing as male Medusas, and thus didn't
turn into stone on the spot. Still, the horrifying
look was enough to stone them metaphorically.
And of course, Filia did look, too. "Women..."
Hugin sighed, and then he proceeded to fuck
her with his snake hair in front of the Ashat
army. The Princess could only roll her eyes
and let her vagina throb. Then a megagasm
raged to her paralyzed body, nearly killing her.
"And now to you." The King also could only
stare at him wide-eyed. "Filia, what shall I
do with this fuckers?" Not surprising, Filia
said nothing. "OK, then, nothing...for this
time." Prince Hugin picked up a charcoal from
the campfire and thoroughly humiliated the
Ashats by drawing the King and his Generals
some moustaches in their frozen faces.
"But I strongly recommend you get the fuck
out of here as soon as you can move again.
And never come back. Or else. Because next
time it will be 13 chinesemen and a zeppelin."
Minutes later, when the carriage was gone,
a giant dustcloud could be seen moving away
from Soddit at Mach 1.
"Hi Daddy! I punished a bear, seduced a Naga Princess, married the daughter of our neighbor King (but she's a bit exasperated from the festivities), single-handedly defeated the army of King Arsol, who was looking for trouble, and quit smoking! Am I your son?" "My son! You quit smoking? I'm sooo proud of you!" And everything was hunky dory. Then Hugin and Filia vanished into their rooms ("Please, no bondage play this time, my ribs are still hurting from your Anaconda stunt!" "Anything for my sugarpuss. Say, can you lick your own clit?" "What do you think I am, a snakewoman? Well, I can try...NNG... MMMPHHHH!" "OK, I admit it, sugarpuss, this was just a trick to get one hemipenis in your mouth and the other in your vagina. Do you like it?" "MMPHH! MMMM!") and celebrated some more until dark. ("Huh? When did you grew a second vagina?" "Silly human!" "Nyokaaaa? You?" "Yeah. Never thought Justin Vieper would be such an epic fail. And now love me love me LOVE ME for the next hundred years! Sordidly, you humans don't last much longer!" "Sigh. Nyoka, could you grant the snake gift also to my wife? She so lacks stamina. See, she nearly drowned in my cum again!" "Anything for my pet if you love me love me LOVE ME!")
So the Prince lived together with his Princess wife
and his Naga mistress who weren't the leastest jealous
of each other ("ONE HEMIPENIS FOR EACH OF YOU!
THAT'S ENOUGH! BASTA!" "Oh, please, grow some snake hair!"
"Yes, please! More forked tongues!")...for fuzzy
values of jealous. King and Queen Naga just shrugged
with their nonexistant shoulders - her daughter
would grow up soon enough. And they suggested that
it would be quite the fitting time that all
three old royal pairs should resign for the new
United Kingdom Bugrid-And-Soddid-Upon-The-Woods.
And so they did, and they even were so polite to
invite King Arsol to the great ceremony of enthroning
the lovely threesome, but it turned out he himself had
been dethroned by a palace coup lead by some eloped bear
(Mrs. Libel & Mr. Slander had a word that his horny wife
had a few hands in the matter, and possibly also some
lower body parts) and now rotted in the dungeon.
As Kurt Cobain said, Nevermind.
And one year later Filia and Nyoka gave birth to
an egg each ("Much cleaner than this messy human way,
right?" "Please stop your bragging, willya?"),
from which there hatched a most hardboiled Prince
and a most fragile Naga Princess.
And Hugin, Filia and Nyoka coiled and knotted in
orgasm and did more eggs-rated stuff, perhaps until
someone died from one megagasm too much like in
"Barbarella". But otherwise, they lived herpily
ever after.
The End