Me, Myself & I

You surely all know what a self-insert fanfic is. If not, you are at least in good company: Before I read about it, the concept was completely alien to me - I rarely even *dream* in self-insert mode. (If you *still* ponder, you don't self-insert into an orifice, but into a story universe.) So, what would I, Shokoshu, doctor of chemistry, FIDE master, geek and annoying wacko, do in a tentaclefic?

Well, you probably didn't recall the Invasion of the Evil Pheromone Babes from Space - the MIB have neuralyzed you all. I can proudly say I was the one responsible for thwarting their world domination scheme. The key is that I combine a few properties and character traits that aren't that special, but still in addition I'm one in six billions. First, take the basis of the invasion. The Evil Pheromone Babes from Space, as the name already says, are very pretty girls that drive everybody love crazy with their smell. (All earth women turned lez, if you have to ask.) Luckily, I have the flu (or at least a cold) twelve months a year, which renders my sense of smell practically useless. And I only love Vampirella. And I am in self-analyzing mode all the time, so I could wear off their influence that turned 99.9-period % of earths population into drooling zombies.

I can also act quite convincing, so I sneaked into their space ship playing the fanboy. Here another ability of mine came handy: I can understand any techno gadget and any computer program just by RTFM. This was a real challenge for my genius, the FM being written in alien language, but after all, I merely had to figure out how to open the cage of their pet tentaclemonsters. They also were attracted on the spot, and believe me, the Evil Pheromone Babes from Spaces' Death Ray Guns, something I didn't even think of arguing with, didn't cool them off a bit.

So there. The Evil Pheromone Babes from Space were too busy orgasming to further think of world domination. The MIB thanked me but didn't allow me to keep one as personal slave. Too dangerous, they said. They probably have a point there. Well, at least I could keep the footage which brought me a small fortune on the Japanese H market. "How did they do those outrageous FX?", everybody keeps asking. Now you know.

&S (the one and only)