Ms.O's pizzaphone rang. Between recurring screams, she heard: "Something's o-o-OOOO-dd is happening! Quick, come! AAAAAH! Only the girls!" Another squeal and the thump of a cellular accompanied a line going dead.
"Olympia, you come with me. I'll accompany you, this case smells very odd!" "Because the demand of only female agents?" Otis inquired, annoyed. "No, that is obvious, as girls are better. But it was Jamie Jam who called. C'mon, since when do supervillains call Odd Squad for help? In fact, it's so odd that I tweak the protocols a bit and reactivate Olive to come with us. Her experience might be the difference. Oona?" "Yes, Mr.O?" "You too, we need an exposition girl." "But I can't leave my lab!" A loud explosion accompanied her words. "We can sort that out later, that's standard HQ weirdness. Orchid?" "Yes, Ms.O?" "You stay home, this is too dangerous for you." "Whaaat! Wanna go! Wanna go!" "O-kay. Oooo-kay. Your funeral." Ms.O silently giggled. The lamest reverse psychology tricks were the best.
"Up to 16 Main Street!" Ms.O commanded. "The call came from Villain Estates! Into the tubes! O'Malley, block all incoming transitions, this is an emergency! Squishinate!"
The four girls stumbled out of the tubes, directly before the villain building. "I think this is a case for forceful entry!" stated Ms.O and gave the door a kick throwing it out of their hinges.
"AAAAH! It's Odd Squad!" screamed receptionist Noisemaker.
"I can't understand you!" screamed Ms.O.
"What did you say? I am busy with to overthrow Toronto!" Noisemaker screamed back.
"Olive, fire the Silence-I-Nator!" Ms.O screamed.
"The what?" Olympia screamed back.
"THE CAN'T-SAY-THIS-WORD-ON-TV SI-LENC-I-NA-TOR!" Ms.O screamed out of the top of her lungs.
"Oh, the Bondage-I-Nator! Of course!" screamed Olympia and fired.
Silence. Except for screaming and moaning from the first floor.
"Noisemaker, couldn't you hear that? Someone is in distress!"
"MPFMPFMPF!"
"Oh, sorry, you can't answer being gagged." Ms.O was so kind to remove it again.
"SORRY, MS. O, IT'S ALWAYS SO LOUD HERE WITH ALL THESE NEFARIOUS CONTRAPTIONS FOR WORLD DOMINATION AND..."
"No need to scream, we can hear you!"
"Ah?"
"What?"
"Sorry for that, we untie you later, but this is an emergency giving us the jurisdiction for immediate action! WE ARE COMING!"
Another application of Ms.O's backup key, and Odd Squad stormed into the room. They froze in shock.
"Oh God! A giant blob infestation!"
"They are eaten alive! They already ate their clothes!"
"This is scientifically impossible! Blue Blobs are harmless pranksters that slime you for fun!"
"Hold out, Jamie, we'll help you!"
"OOOOOH! AAAAAH! MMMMMH!"
The latter were Jamie Jam, Circle Sue and Kooky the Clown who where totally tangled together and covered in blobs. Kookys makeup was completely ruined, a surefire sign she would kick the bucket over her head soon.
"Agents, Inators out! Orchid, what do you have?"
"Well, I have a Kill-It-With-Fire-Inator, and..."
"Forget it! Olive?"
"I no longer have the right to carry Inators!"
"Stale Juice! I forgot! Oona!"
"I have...aaah, you made me nervous and I dropped them all!
Dead! Kaput! Out of order! An ex-inator!"
"Olympia?"
"Balloon-remove-inator!"
All of Kookys balloon decoration vanished from the room.
"And this helps us HOW?" Ms.O inquired.
"Oh, it should help? You didn't say that!"
In the meantime, the blobs finally had noticed the newcomers and began to discuss. "Oh, look there, more girls!" one small blob observed. "Let them join the fun!" The master blob whacked it over the head with a tentacle. "Has your last braincell burnt out? Can't you see they are off limits?" "Hey, but they are biologically perfectly..." WHACK! "And Ms.O is a few hundred years..." WHACK! "And Olive had been turned 21 and obviously immediately used the opportunity for sex, or why do you think the unicorn talked back..." DOUBLE WHACK! The distraction somewhat distracted the blobs. Jamie even could moan "Help...us..." before she went under again.
"21?" "Sex?" Olive and Olympia asked confused.
"Sex, binary category. Binary categories are those who can take only two values, here: boy or girl. They are extremely useful for finding things, because you can halve the number of things you need to search. Remember '20 Questions'? Do the math, and you'll find you could find an item hiding in a million of other things!"
"See, that's why I brought Oona!" Ms.O triumphed.
"Oona is stupid, Hermione from my kindergarden says she is neither a boy not a girl!" Orchid complained.
"And what's this reference to my age?" Olive inquired.
"Good question! Age can take more than two values. This is a numerical category. This is also useful. Remember Backwards Bob's passcode? It was 321. We only had one guess left and were very lucky. Imagine we had to guess 'Swordfish' instead!"
"Fascinating? Are there more?"
"Surely! Look, Ms.O is smaller than Olive, but Olive is smaller than Jamie. You can also say this gadget is exactly double as long as this. But you'd immediately get a problem if you ask if Ms.O is 'small'..."
"You'd get a GIANT problem, Oona!"
"And even if this gadget is only half as long, can you really call it 'large' when it is smaller than Ms.O? Mathematics has a solution to this either. It's called 'Fuzzy Logic', but this is stuff you only will know as an adult, so don't ask!"
"You are all stupid and boring!" Orchid screamed. "While you were talking, the blobs began eating Jamie again. Look how much pain she endures! Transmogrif-inator!" She fired a volley into the crowd.
Incredibly, her instincts had solved the problem, because when the crowd unknotted their limbs, there emerged...
"Shapeshifter! I knew someone was missing here!"
"I'm so sorry for making yourself so many problems, Odd Squad! Y'know, we had an Girls Night Out and we did...eh...eh..."
"A tickle competition!" a breathless Jamie prompted.
"Yes, exactly, a...tickle...competition. And being a villain, I cheated of course. I turned into a heap of blobs, and ate their clothes since tickling works far better on the naked skin." "Far better, yes!" "And then sucked and licked jam off their nude bodies." "Sucking and licking, yes! Oh God, it was unbearable!" "Ask Otis how it is when you are tickled to death!" "And the worst, my mind split up all over the blobs and I couldn't stop! A part of me even wanted to tickle you!"
"Ha! In your dreams!" scoffed Ms.O.
"Hey, I found a jacket-inator!" Olympia rejoiced.
"Yes, but a towel-inator first as we are all wet and slimy from the experience!"
Olympia desperately browsed her gadgets while Orchid solved the problem lowtech by raiding the bathing room.
Later...
"Thank you, Odd Squad! We swear we will do nothing odd in the next two months!" Shapeshifter promised. "Can't we repea-OWCH!" tried Jamie Jam, but was stopped cold by Kookys hand buzzer.
"Bye bye! Let's hit home, girls, Oonas lab probably went critical in the meantime." Ms. O commanded. "And we don't punish anybody?" Orchid pouted. "For what? And our mission is not fighting crime, but to even out odd." Ms.O slammed the door which finally fell out.
"Can SOMEONE untie me please?" whined Noisemaker, who again was forgotten.
"Shapeshifter! Please change into something else!"
"Yes! One for everybody! Lessee...A centaur has two penises and a tongue!" Jamie suggested.
"No, an unicorn! One penis, one magic horn and one tongue! I get the horn! That'll be...magical!" Circle Sue talked back.
"A big snake! Two hemipenes, one FORKED tongue!" Kooky licked her lips in anticipation.
Shapeshifter did the math. "You all are stupid. I become an octopus! Even if each girl is pleasured only by two arms, this makes...wait, this is division...eight is four by two...you are three girls...we can invite...yes, at least one other girl. Sister Zero maybe? I wonder how an orgasm times eight feels?"
Somewhere in another universe, a hack porn writer was impaled with a slide rule.
The End