"I protest!" protested Quark with all selfrighteousness he could lay into his
"You may," snapped Odo. "But it's still confiscated."
Quark tried Slimy Whining #5. "Yes, I admit, this is a pornographic video, but according to Station Rule Paragraph 239.42a) Chapter..."
"...yeah, yeah, it would be allowed, but that's not the reason it's confiscated. The Teuthis ambassador filed a protest..."
"...argh, you mean those always bad-mooded squiddies..."
"It's not squiddies, it's Teuthis. And since your 'video' is a Danger according to Paragraph 1.1.A.A Preamble Love, Peace, Harmony and Understanding on Deep Space 9 I may confiscate it under the Imminent Danger law."
"What? This is ridiculous! I will appeal to the Station Court!"
"You may, but in the mean time it is confiscated!" Odo slammed the door.
"Mean time...Time is always mean here..." Quark exited turbolift right, his Ferengi pride and his wallet severely hurt.
"Bride of the Inju. Japan, 2000. Unsatisfied nymphomaniac highschool girl
finds true love in the arms of a tentacle monster. UNCENSORED! Oh my,
this is hundreds of years old. These solids have crazy ideas...I wonder in
which cesspool Quark dug up that one."
He put the cassette into the replication of a likewise hundreds of years old videorecorder that he borrowed from Chief O'Brien. The image quality was rather lousy, but he could imagine why the Teuthis filed a protest. Already the cover was an insult to good taste.
Fascinated he watched how the plot - if one could call this idiocity a plot - unfolded.
Fiep-oink! The doorbell rang.
"Here are the new security protocols..." Major Kira came in. Her jaw dropped as she watched in awe what was going on on the screen.
"Odo, what is this?"
"Oh, just Quarks latest crime. I wonder to whom he intended to sell it."
Major Kira followed in fascination as the plot reached one of its peaks ("MMMH! OOOH! AAAAH!"). A perverted though had manifested in her brain and didn't want to get out.
Odo shook his head (he never could let it look natural). "Can you explain this to me? I mean, she seems to like it - I'd normally expect she should scream in terror! Especially considering this is from a time where interspecies relationships were unthinkable. And even the few things I learned about the female sexual reaction..."
"Odo, you still have to learn about the secrets of the female species. For example, it's not completely uncommon that women fantasize - just fantasize! - about being raped, as this exempts them from the guilts connected to forbidden relationships and taboos that even exist in our time." The perverted thought screamed.
"So, just assuming, you are now Odious, the evil changeling wrapping its pseudopods around this captured Bajoran spy..."
"But I never..." "I said, wrapping its pseudopods around this Bajoran spy!"
Kira gave him the Bajoran equivalent of a Wink Wink, Blockhead. Odo slowly understood. "Computer, Don't Disturb mode! I assume the next step would be ripping off your uniform?"
Kira undressed quickly. "No need to waste station resources. I guess the script might excuse this. Now, what doomsday weapon might this Bajoran spy hide in her foofie?" "I don't think I've ever seen that term in an Unabridged Bajoran Dictionary, but I doubt any foofie would be big enough to hide..." "Quit being more logical than a Vulcan!"
Kira jumped at Odo, crossing her arms and legs behind his back, pretending to be caught. "Oh no, the evil Odious is now taking my maidenhood!"
Odo pondered about uttering another comment on the virginity of Kira, and considered he would be best off asking no more stupid questions and fulfilling his role.
Kira squealed. Odo had turned himself into a form that captured her so
helplessly she could only move her eyelids. A big tongue was circling
around her clit, and a thick tentacle pulsated inside her vagina. Only a
changeling was able to caress the whole skin of her body at once, reaching
hidden points inside her body that even a tentacle monster couldn't access.
She now orgasmed synchronically with the girl on the still running video.
Higher and higher her lust flared.
Until she became one with the whole Universe.
"Kira! Neris! Say something! Emergency Medic Transport!"
"Dr. Bashir, I..." "I'm sorry, Odo. She is dead. I couldn't do anything for her. Her brain practically burned itself out." "Oh no! It's all my fault! No, it's Quarks fault! I will kill that creep single-tentacledly!" Odo stormed out of the medic room while Julian quickly called the security. Although there wasn't much to do which could stop a changeling who was the head of the aforementioned security and out for blood.
Odo tried to shove away a crowd of Bajorans in religious ecstasy. "A new
prophet!" "We have a new prophet!" "Kira, bless us!" "Kira? Major
Kira?" A bright light shape was hovering on the promenade deck, radiating
pure love. And then Odo too could hear the voice.
"Don't cry for me, I just...came home. After all, you should know from those stories that a Major character never gets killed!" Her laughter ebbed until she was gone.
Rumor says that Quarks Ancient Anime sales skyrocketed.