Authors note: It could be that the one or other genealogy or tentacle size won't jibe with your mythology lexicon. That's called poetic licence, dummy :-)
COSMIC PRELUDE
In the beginning there were Chaos and Nyx.
(And we're not talking about them Warren tentacleguy
and his Harris bitch.)
No, Chaos AKA Mr. Tohu, the Devoid of Form and Nyx AKA
Mrs. Bohu, the content-less.
A very fine lass indeed she was, and enjoyed Chaos' tentacles
(not the Warren tentacleguy, can't you listen, just
a generic tentacleguy) until she gave birth
to Uranos, the Heaven, and Gaia, the Earth.
Uranos.
Yeah, the joke is worn-out but still funny everytime.
(If you actually laughed, you are probably too young
to read this. Apienai!)
And guess what, indeed Uranos was a very anal-retentive guy
and invented the Rules.
Physics, and suchlike.
Rules, rules, rules.
And thus he dethroned Chaos, who emigrated from the universe,
pissed-off, to become the Elder for Lovecraft fans.
And then Uranos and Gaia did it like rabbits, and
Gaia gave birth to the Titans.
Did I mention rules?
Kids are the opposite of rules, and Uranos hated his
lewd, bawdy, strepitous offspring. He despised them so much
that he wanted to push them back in the womb of Gaia.
But Kronos, the Time, the strongest of the Titans, was no
unbirth fetish fan at all.
So Gaia armed him with a sickle, and Kronos bobitted his
father.
Owch, owch, owch.
And such the power fell to Kronos (and the dick into the
water where it produced Aphrodite, Goddess of Love.
While we are busy telling origins anyway). And Kronos married
his sister Rhea, the Flux (a pattern begins to emerge).
And Rhea gave birth to the Olympians (Hestia, Demeter, Hera,
Hades, Poseidon and Zeus), and Kronos all ate them after
birth to ensure his dominion, without mustard.
'Xept one, when Rhea served Kronos a stone in diapers as
a McZeus.
Bleech, bleech, bleech.
And so Zeus grew up secretly and later overturned his father.
He married his sister Hera (indeed, it is a pattern),
which was dynastically wise but a surefire way into daily
migraine.
Thus he fucked everything female, goddess or mortal, that
ran across his godly dick, always ensuring that he didn't
produce the next rival, as the Tartaros began to get rather
crowdy.
And such Demeter gave birth to Persephone. (Maybe incest
was mandatory on Olymp. Bugs me. Ask the Moiras.)
This is getting worse than a season of "Dallas".
But now we have our roster finally complete.
AND OFF WE GO
Persephone was the spitting image of her mother Demeter.
Both were fertility goddesses. Both had lovely blond hair
that shone like gold in the hot morning sun. (Pathetic
attempt at poetry stolen from Manfred Mann.) Both made
everyone wonder how they could walk upright and not keel
over with those nefarious boobs. (I think I just found
out the reason for the tragic death of Lolo Ferrari. Envy.)
And nobody ever succeeded to measure the deepness of
their wombs.
But strangely, they couldn't have been more different in
character.
Demeter was joyous. Naive. Meek.
Persephone was a Goth.
Even before that word was invented.
You can't run around suicidal without getting the attention
of the guy who got the Underworld when the kingdoms were
dealt on Olymp.
Persephone was playing with some Nymphs in the Nysa plain.
"Frolicking, frolicking, frolicking. I fucking hate
frolicking!" "But your mother said..." "Ah, my mother.
Always treating me like a little baby. Calling me Kore.
I wish something would happen before I die of boredom!"
She took a lyra and sung with breaking voice:
"Here we aaaare now, entertaiiiiin us!"
And then the earth quaked, and the ground opened up, and
out came storming Hades in his chariot of fire (200 PS,
four-wheel servo steering, heatable front pane, luggage
trunk can contain up to 100 lbs of damned souls).
The Nymphs ran for the hills. (Where an oread belongs
anyway.)
"Help! Heeeeelp! (I say that just in case my mother
hears me and wants me back until dinner so) Heeeeelp!
I'm being raaaaavished!"
Gone they were.
"Oh, you evil ruler of the Dead, you surely will do
unspeakable things to me! Is it true that as soon as
one did eat something in the Underworld, one can
never return? Oh, I see something interesting to eat
poking from your tunic! Let me suck your pomegrenades!"
And a mouth engulfed a godly boner.
"MMMH! MMMPH! Suckle, Suckle!" Quickly, Hades
was shooting his seed into Persephone. She stood up
and wiped some cum away that dripped from the angle
of her mouth. "Uh-oh, I'm captured forever now!"
Hades was befuddled. Even a bit annoyed. Not that
he would complain against a blowjob, it was an upgrade
from torturing damned souls all the time.
But he was a man. And a man always wants to be in
control. And especially women taking the sexual
initiative are a strict no-no for his ego.
"Don't mock the mighty Hades! You will be my sex
slave! Fear...the Buzzmech!"
Hades changed his form. He became what could best
described as a Transformer who just found out
what sex is about. Cold metal clamps captured
Persephone and spread-eagled her. Then all sorts of
vibrating appendages invaded her body, searching for
the points of lust. "Ooooh! AAAAAH!" Persephone
squealed in ecstacy. Orgasm after orgasm ravaged
through her body until she finally died of total
exhaustion.
Which was more a figure of speech since she was
in the Underworld anyway.
One minute later she was already begging for more.
"So you still don't have enough? Tentacles of
Fire!"
Persephone giggled. "Watched too much Sailor
Moon lately? AIIIII! No! I'm burning with
lust! AAAAAA!" Persephone writhed, engulfed in
flames that tied her up and entered all her
orifices. Even her love juices couldn't put out
the hellish fire.
And while she orgasmed away, she burnt to cinders.
Luckily she was an immortal, or she actually could
have get hurt.
"Ooooh, you are so hot..." Persephone moaned.
"Want to see how big I am, too? Elephant Man!" And
Hades changed again. A giant penis spitted Persephone,
penetrating through her vagina and then through her
whole body. She screamed until the monster dick
blocked her throat and left her through the mouth.
Persephone jacked off the dick with her whole body
until, with a last orgasm, she died from suffocation.
Kids, don't try this at home unless you are immortal
too!
"Oooh, you rip me apart!" "Wait until you have
suffered...The Arachnophobia!" "Why should I be
afraid of a Lydian weaver girl...Eeeeeek!" Hades
had turned into a monster spider and tied up the
helpless Persephone. Silken threads curled around
her body and tied her to the ceiling of hell.
Then the spider attached more strings to her warts
and her clit and played them like a lyra. The
vibrations sent Persephone into total madness. Her
juices were squirting from her wide open vagina and
dripping into the maw of the spider. After a lot of
orgasms, the spider inserted an ovipositor into
her and filled her womb with spider eggs. Quickly,
they grew and grew. (We talk about magic here.)
Until they all hatched. The pitter-patter tickle
of spider legs in her womb drove Persephone totally
up the wall, as the spider had cocooned her up and
she couldn't move a limb. She let out a satisfied sigh
as the little spiders ate her alive from within and
relieved her from her burden.
And so Hades treated hear for an eternity. Each death
was more exquisite and lustful than the one before.
Until Hades and the author ran out of ideas.
And Persephone still wasn't satisfied.
And then the door of Hell flew out of its hinges by
a giant explosion. A yipping Cerberus pinched his tail
between his legs, rolled over and begged for his life.
And there she stood tall, with a flower in the hair,
a torch in the left hand and a RPG (for those of
you who never played Duke Nukem: rocket pomegrenade
launcher) in the right. Joyous, naive and out
for blood.
Hell hath no fury than a mother whose daughter came
late to dinner.
"Give me back my daughter...or else!" Demeter roared
and shoved the RPG somewhere into Hades where even
Helios didn't shine.
Hades wheezed. "Good that you are coming, one minute
later and *I* would have kicked the bucket. Apropos
kicking buckets, I have to look after the Danaides,
you two can go in the meantime..."
"The ru-hu-hules..." fluted Persephone.
"You have eaten something?" Demeter asked panically.
"I have eaten something, he has eaten me, eh,
something too..."
"That does it! Hades, I'm going on a strike! We'll
see what happens if nothing is born anymore!"
Hades wasn't exactly threatened by the thought that
there would be an immigration stop for the already
overcrowded Hell. Only the RPG began to hurt.
But Zeus (Demeter talked in a volume that could still
be heard on Olymp) found the thought of having no
more fresh playthings (which had a very short halflife
as soon as his wife found out) extremely disturbing.
So he called in Themis, Dike and Nemesis to search
the law of the Gods for any loopholes, until a lame
compromise (the shyster profession wasn't invented
yet) was made that for every orgasm Persephone
had she would stay a hour in hell, and the rest of
the year she would be on earth with her mother
Demeter.
Do you also have the feeling the winters are getting longer?
THE END