Spiders and Snarks

"Kory!!" Robin shouted. "On Earth it is very uncommon to...eh...y'know...especially the part with the zeppelin and the 30 Chinamen!"
Starfire just shrugged.
Cyborg chimed in. "Starfire needs to accustom to Earth culture. I wire her up a 10Tb/s glass fiber neo-geo backbone router to the Internet. What possible harm can come from it." Raven facepalmed. "The magic words. We're doomed now." Beast Boy turned into a chicken. "Gak! Gak! We're doomed! We're doo...Raven, why exactly are we doomed?"
"Best you go with Kory when she first runs into the Internet. And look up a site named TVTropes. Some item like '100 Things You Shouldn't Say As A Superhero Or Else', whatnot."
(Which proves that there really should be an entry 'Shooting Your Own Foot By Excessive Snarking' on TVTropes. Probably it exists under a different name, but I have to write a porn story right now and research it later - The Author)

It really wasn't a bright idea to let Starfire and Beast Boy loose on the Internet together, and Mr.&Mrs. Zero Attention Span of course had no interest in intellectual tropegasms. Instead they soon were on that part of the Internet and tried to outgun each other with the weirdest hentai.
"I take your unbirth and raise by airplane porn!" "OK...Now which /zarbnarf/ could think up that? Me...and you...as a rhino...and me saying: 'Oh yes, and now try something bigger'...even MY /grebnax/ would be ripped apart!" "Hey, I can top that! Picture this: 'And then the giant spider came into her view. His maw seemed to grin as he attached web strings to her nipples and clit and began to vibrate them. Rookie tried to squeal her lungs out but a thick silk gag in her mouth kept her quiet. Against her will, the spider tickled her into submission. Her love juices began to overflow and the spider sucker her dry.'" All this idle surfing had made Starfire very horny (hey, it's hentai canon that Starfire is a whore), and she said: "Hmmmmm. That sounds fun. Can you turn into a giant spider?" Beast Boy, on the other paw, didn't need teh Interwebs for hornyness, and of course he didn't waste a second thought about Robin (if you go by the half-official shipping) ripping out his fur hair by single hair. "Of course I can!" Seconds later, Kory helplessly squirmed in a big spider net that hung from the ceiling.

Which was exactly the moment Raven crashed the party. "Good that I came looking. Because we're doomed and such. Beast Boy, what in the name of Trigons quadruple reading glasses are you doing?" "He's just explaining me the concept of 'vore'", Starfire interjected, pouting. "We read that on the Internet." "Surely. Vore. Internet. And Spiderman here shall bite you and serve you on a dinner plate, seasoning with parsley optional?" "No, no, not bite. Quote: 'And then the giant spider came into her view. His maw seemed to grin as he attached web strings to her nipples and clit and began to vibrate them. Rookie tried to squeal her lungs out but a thick silk gag in her mouth kept her quiet. Against her will, the spider tickled her into submission. Her love juices began to overflow and the spider sucker her dry.' Raven suddenly got very horny too, probably because of her dark side (and even more probably because this is a porn story, TVTropes would call this remark a lampshade - The Author), and being the one secretly half-officially shipped with Beast Boy, she wanted all the fun for herself. "You show ME vore TOO. So that at least one responsible person is present when we all are doommmmmppffff!"
No one likes permasnark except the snarker himself, and before she could say a single "Azarath Metrion Zinthos!", she hung gagged and unsnarkingable (Is that a word? English is not my first language. The Author) beside Starfire.

"Can we now come to the part with the strings?" Kory nagged unpatiently. "Grawrrrcks!" said Beast Boy, who could talk in animal form, in principle, but not with that oversized mandibles. It probably meant something along "Hey, I only have eight legs!" Then he ripped off the costumes from Raven and Starfire. Granted, he could have turned back into human form to speed things up a bit (opposable thumbs have their merits - e.g. I don't know a single porn story written by a giant spider - The Author) but that might have killed the mood. And now he finally could provide the girls with the eagerly awaited orgasm torture threads. "Ooooooo!" said Starfire. "Mmmmmmh!" said Raven and opened wide. She was rewarded by Beast Boy, who hugged her with all eight legs and then slid a hairy thing into her vagina. She squirmed some more, caught in the web of lust. Were these eggs stuffed into her womb? Now this was a complete biological impossibility. She probably would have commented extensively on the matter, but not tied into a cocoon, with a silken gag cutting off all snarking. Meanwhile Beast Boy firmly pressed his maw into the crotch of Starfire for not to miss a single drop of her overflowing love juices.
"Oh God, I'm completely liquifying!" moaned Kory, orgasming again and again.
"Oh God...must overcome spider instincts...before Starfire is completely drained!" Beast Boy fought with himself.
"Oh God...something is moving in my womb...his breed will eat me alive from the inside!" Raven thought between two multiple orgasms.

(Sorry to interrupt your fapping, some exposition is needed. So we smash-cut to Robin and Cyborg. The Author.)
"What's this minispider doing on my desk?" Robin asked Cyborg. "Recon. I'm more asking myself how the little fucker escaped from my lab and where all his colleagues went. You see, we need some unsuspicuous bug..." "Spiders are no bugs!" "...whatever. So, here is a minicam, and a mike, but I'm still at loss how the data shall be sent home without anti-bug systems..." "Spiders..." "...yeah, yeah, noticing a thing." "And what is this?" Robin held up a cracked shell he found god-knows-where. "Its egg. Energy is a critical issue, lead batteries are a no-no. Mini chemical reactor." "Clever. I have a vague idea to solve your comm problem and a non-vague idea which green pain-in-the-ass pilfered your spiders, probably to play a prank on the girls." (Interrupt end.)

Raven still hung tied in the net, her belly swollen. Then a mechspider crawled out of her vagina, seems he finally had the nerve to ask for the way out. The pitterpattering of the little feet inside her brought her to a last orgasm, and she finally passed out. A drained Starfire quickly followed her example. Both thus missed the royal blowup when Robin and Cyborg, who ran into a few more spiders and backtracked the source, entered the scene. Ugly words like $, % and especially could be heard all to the way to Jump City. "AND YOU ARE GROUNDED...FOREVER! Consider yourself lucky that you turned into an adorable kitten, or I WOULD STRANGLE YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS!" Bah, Robin was just jealous that he couldn't fuck Kory senseless.
Raven, with the amazing stamina of a half-demoness, opened one eye. "Are we doomed already?"

The End