Attack of the 50 Foot Tomato

Author's Note: The Killertomatoes Toon is a self-ref-fest. I fuckin' love it. So don't wonder about even more self-ref turning up here...

"Who is that mysterious superheroine Nightshade protecting our town? Together with her sidekick Arf?" yelled the San Zucchini Bugle.
"No idea", murmured Wilbur Finletter.
"No idea", murmured Chad Finletter.
"No idea", murmured The Censorship Crone. "But she shows far too much ankles in that spandex."
"I'm not a mad scientist, I'm a astute scientist!" trumpeted Putrid T. Gangreene. "Nightshade? Haven't heard a more blatant obvious secret name ever! And she is, tadaaaah..."
"Uh, oh, most brilliant Master, you should not spoil the readership the fun!" interjected Igor Smith, probably the only evil scientist henchman who had more than one brain cell.
"I know! Nightshade from C.O.P.S.!" yelled Zoltan.
"Dweeb! She's a catburglar criminal!" interjected Beefsteak.
"Maybe she turned over to the good ones? She was always the most intelligent of the bunch and even had a romantic affair with Mace..." Tomacho pondered.
"Manure! It's Nightshade from the Suicide Squad!" Fangmato gave back.
"Pah, and why not one of the several Marvel..." Tomacho tried when P.T.G. commanded: "Shut up, all of you! We set up a trap for her..."
"Yes, and then we unmask her!" gloated Zoltan.
"No, you idiot, we make the Heinz 57 from her!"
"Heinz? A gender-changing trap? May we do suchlike in the cartoon-channel?" Beefsteak was sceptically.
"We! Are! Not! On! The! Cartoon! Channel!" P.T.G. desperately banged his head against World Conquering Gizmo Nr. 23 in sync to each exclamation mark. "Igor, bring me an aspirine! And make a plan!"

Much later that day, in an abandoned warehouse...
"So, defused that Generic Doomsday Device with my Tomato Power[tm]. And again, Nightshade[tm] and her trusty sidekick Arf [also tm] have saved the day...eeeeek!" The eeeeek refered to the mechanic tentacles that had sprouted from the device and wrapped themselves around her ankles. The mysterious superheroine struggled, but to no avail. Evidently, her tomato powers were helpless against some run-of-the-mill BDSM. In the same moment the ceiling lights went on.
"We've got her! We've got her! Let's demask her!" the killertomatoes jumped for joy.
P.T.G. pulled out a saltshaker. "No, let's try some as-salt and battery! Maybe you then solve the riddle even without unmasking her first." A few grains and squish, the mysterious Nightshade shrunk into a small tomato.
"Tara Boumdeay!" yelled the Tomato Gang unisono, dumbfounded. "How did you find out so fast?"
"Nightshade, you idiots! To which family of plants do the tomatoes belong?"
"The evil!"..."Scurvy?"..."Bloodthirsty ones"...the tomatoes suggested.
"Nitwits! The Solanaceae! Also know as Nightshades! Even the story title gave a hint!"
"Now that you mention it, my mother-in-law was a chili..." Zoltan chipped in, only to causing P.T.G. another seizure.
"Aaargh! While we are talking idle coleslaw, the trusty sidekick Arf... eh, I mean, Fuzzy Tomato has grabbed Tara and ran away!"
"Oh great master, do not feed your ulcer! I see him there above the planks over that Qik-Gro[tm] fertilizer silo! I catch him!" Igor ran over to a maintenance ladder leading to the silo opening, but unluckily Zoltan was faster. He pulled out a rocket launcher. "Time to solve this the killertomato way - senseless violence!"
The recoil sent the henchtomatoes skittling. As always Zoltan had aimed badly, but the rocket crashed against the warehouse roof and exploded, the shockwave making Fuzzy drop down Tara. She fell into the stygean depths of the silo. FT yelped and jumped down on the other side of the silo where a bale of hay waited conveniently.
"Zoltan, I always told you not to use the RPG in closed rooms! Always take the BFG9000!" nagged Beefsteak.
"No, the BFG9000 should be saved for the end boss. I'd opt for the sniper rifle..." dissented Tomacho.
"Eh, what?"
"Mindlessly discussing of irrelevant details at length while Fuzzy escapes and brings back-up forces! Instead of checking the silo for the remains of Tara! Now climb up..."
On cue, the ladder already demolished from the collateral damage of the explosion finally collapsed. P.T.G. slapped his forehead.
"We would need a balloon or such..." suggested Igor.
"Like that one?" asked Fangmato, pointing up through the big hole that the rocket left in the warehouse roof.
"Hold through, Tara! We save you!" Chad exclaimed. "Uncle Wilbur, give me cover!" Finletter sen. waved around with his sword which made the tomatoes-cum-scientist quickly go into a nosedive.
"I have to be named also!" protested Igor.
The tomatoes-cum-scientist-cum-factotum discussed Half-Life tactics. "He's got a blooey knife!" whined Zoltan. While P.T.G. tried to make clear to his cowardous tomato gang that swords are useless in long-range battles, Chad emptied a whole sack of pepper into the silo.
"She grew!" The killertomatoes were gaping in horror.
The Censorship Crone quickly blindfolded Chad. "Oh my god! She is stark-nekkid! You can't do this on Cartoon Channel!"
"WE!! ARE!! NOT!! ON!! CARTOON!! CHANNEL!! We are on a hentai fanfic! And if I hear another word of you #%&$ hag, I send my mecha-tentacles to ~*% and ^!+\% you!!"
"Master, that language is too much even for a hentai fanfic... YADDAYADDA!" Igors chin dropped when Tara climbed out of the silo in full glory. Note to Legal Dept.: Qik-Gro also made her older than the sixteen years she is in the toon, such that she is of legal age now.
Talking of glories, Finletter sen. passed out, the Censorship Crone was struggling with Chad to keep him down in the balloon, Igor did an imitation of the Big Bad Wolf in "Red Hot Riding Hood", and the killertomatoes ran for the hills, since they would never hit on somebody stronger than them. (Villian codex.) Only P.T.G. still stood, wrong wording.
"I'm a scientist! Women don't mean anything to me!" He grabbed the next weapon he could reach, which happened to be the Still Experimental Veeblefetzer Shrink-O-Matic #42 With Unknown Side Effects[tm], and fired a full blast at Tara. He couldn't even miss with his aim which was even worse than Zoltan's, as she was 50 foot tall. Yup, I already said that in the title..
"Huhuhu...that tickles...ooooh, what did you do to me...I feel... HORNY!" "YADDA YADDA! Gratuituos Sex Scene! DROOL! PANT!"
Tara grabbed P.T.G. and used him for things that only the most fearless scientist would like to explore in first person. It was a very humiliating experience, unless you happened to have an UB fetish. Finally, when Tara came in a chlorophyll-shattering orgasm, she let him go. Nearly squeezed by her vagina, P.T.G. could escape between two contractions. Lucky him, because then finally the shrinking effect took place.
All wet, P.T.G. headed for the hills, dragging Igor behind him on ten meters of tongue. "I will be back! Tomatoes will conquer the world!"
Tara, reverted to her normal state - but then, what is a normal state for a nubile young killertomato-on-the-good-side - quickly dressed into Finletters parachute which the Censorship Crone dropped down.
"What! Are you still leering, you perverts? Wait until I find the power-down butt CLICK!

The End