Author's Note: The Killertomatoes Toon is a self-ref-fest. I fuckin' love it. So don't wonder about even more self-ref turning up here...
"Who is that mysterious superheroine Nightshade protecting
our town? Together with her sidekick Arf?" yelled the San Zucchini Bugle.
"No idea", murmured Wilbur Finletter.
"No idea", murmured Chad Finletter.
"No idea", murmured The Censorship Crone. "But she shows
far too much ankles in that spandex."
"I'm not a mad scientist, I'm a astute scientist!" trumpeted
Putrid T. Gangreene. "Nightshade? Haven't heard a more blatant
obvious secret name ever! And she is, tadaaaah..."
"Uh, oh, most brilliant Master, you should not spoil the
readership the fun!" interjected Igor Smith, probably the only
evil scientist henchman who had more than one brain cell.
"I know! Nightshade from C.O.P.S.!" yelled Zoltan.
"Dweeb! She's a catburglar criminal!" interjected Beefsteak.
"Maybe she turned over to the good ones? She was always
the most intelligent of the bunch and even had a romantic
affair with Mace..." Tomacho pondered.
"Manure! It's Nightshade from the Suicide Squad!" Fangmato gave back.
"Pah, and why not one of the several Marvel..." Tomacho tried when
P.T.G. commanded: "Shut up, all of you! We set up a trap for her..."
"Yes, and then we unmask her!" gloated Zoltan.
"No, you idiot, we make the Heinz 57 from her!"
"Heinz? A gender-changing trap? May we do suchlike in
the cartoon-channel?" Beefsteak was sceptically.
"We! Are! Not! On! The! Cartoon! Channel!" P.T.G. desperately
banged his head against World Conquering Gizmo Nr. 23 in sync to
each exclamation mark. "Igor, bring me an aspirine! And make a plan!"
Much later that day, in an abandoned warehouse...
"So, defused that Generic Doomsday Device with my Tomato Power[tm].
And again, Nightshade[tm] and her trusty sidekick Arf [also tm]
have saved the day...eeeeek!" The eeeeek refered to the mechanic tentacles
that had sprouted from the device and wrapped themselves around her ankles.
The mysterious superheroine struggled, but to no avail. Evidently,
her tomato powers were helpless against some run-of-the-mill BDSM.
In the same moment the ceiling lights went on.
"We've got her! We've got her! Let's demask her!" the killertomatoes
jumped for joy.
P.T.G. pulled out a saltshaker. "No, let's try some as-salt and
battery! Maybe you then solve the riddle even without unmasking
her first." A few grains and squish, the mysterious Nightshade
shrunk into a small tomato.
"Tara Boumdeay!" yelled the Tomato Gang unisono, dumbfounded.
"How did you find out so fast?"
"Nightshade, you idiots! To which family of plants do the tomatoes
belong?"
"The evil!"..."Scurvy?"..."Bloodthirsty ones"...the tomatoes suggested.
"Nitwits! The Solanaceae! Also know as Nightshades! Even the
story title gave a hint!"
"Now that you mention it, my mother-in-law was a chili..." Zoltan
chipped in, only to causing P.T.G. another seizure.
"Aaargh! While we are talking idle coleslaw, the trusty sidekick Arf...
eh, I mean, Fuzzy Tomato has grabbed Tara and ran away!"
"Oh great master, do not feed your ulcer! I see him there above
the planks over that Qik-Gro[tm] fertilizer silo! I catch him!" Igor
ran over to a maintenance ladder leading to the silo opening, but
unluckily Zoltan was faster. He pulled out a rocket launcher.
"Time to solve this the killertomato way - senseless violence!"
KA-BOOOOM!
The recoil sent the henchtomatoes skittling. As always Zoltan had
aimed badly, but the rocket crashed against the warehouse roof and exploded,
the shockwave making Fuzzy drop down Tara. She fell into the stygean
depths of the silo. FT yelped and jumped down on the other side of the silo
where a bale of hay waited conveniently.
"Zoltan, I always told you not to use the RPG in closed rooms!
Always take the BFG9000!" nagged Beefsteak.
"No, the BFG9000 should be saved for the end boss.
I'd opt for the sniper rifle..." dissented Tomacho.
"You-do-it-again!"
"Eh, what?"
"Mindlessly discussing of irrelevant
details at length while Fuzzy escapes and brings back-up forces! Instead of
checking the silo for the remains of Tara! Now climb up..."
On cue, the ladder already demolished from the collateral damage
of the explosion finally collapsed. P.T.G. slapped his forehead.
"We would need a balloon or such..." suggested Igor.
"Like that one?" asked Fangmato, pointing up through the big hole
that the rocket left in the warehouse roof.
"Hold through, Tara! We save you!" Chad exclaimed. "Uncle Wilbur,
give me cover!" Finletter sen. waved around with his sword which made
the tomatoes-cum-scientist quickly go into a nosedive.
"I have to be named also!" protested Igor.
The tomatoes-cum-scientist-cum-factotum discussed Half-Life tactics.
"He's got a blooey knife!" whined Zoltan. While P.T.G. tried
to make clear to his cowardous tomato gang that swords are useless in
long-range battles, Chad emptied a whole sack of pepper into the silo.
KA-CHOO!
"She grew!" The killertomatoes were gaping in horror.
The Censorship Crone quickly blindfolded Chad. "Oh my god! She is
stark-nekkid! You can't do this on Cartoon Channel!"
"WE!! ARE!! NOT!! ON!! CARTOON!! CHANNEL!! We are on a hentai
fanfic! And if I hear another word of you #%&$ hag, I send my
mecha-tentacles to ~*%§ and ^!+\% you!!"
"Master, that language is too much even for a hentai fanfic...
YADDAYADDA!" Igors chin dropped when Tara climbed out of the silo
in full glory. Note to Legal Dept.: Qik-Gro also made her older than
the sixteen years she is in the toon, such that she is of legal age now.
Talking of glories, Finletter sen. passed out, the Censorship Crone was
struggling with Chad to keep him down in the balloon, Igor did
an imitation of the Big Bad Wolf in "Red Hot Riding Hood", and
the killertomatoes ran for the hills, since they would never hit
on somebody stronger than them. (Villian codex.) Only P.T.G. still
stood erect...eh, wrong wording.
"I'm a scientist! Women don't mean anything to me!"
He grabbed the next weapon he could reach,
which happened to be the Still Experimental Veeblefetzer
Shrink-O-Matic #42 With Unknown Side Effects[tm],
and fired a full blast at Tara. He couldn't even miss with his aim which
was even worse than Zoltan's, as she was 50 foot tall. Yup, I already
said that in the title..
"Huhuhu...that tickles...ooooh, what did you do to me...I feel...
HORNY!" "YADDA YADDA! Gratuituos Sex Scene! DROOL! PANT!"
"Pistils...itching...need...DILDO!"
Tara grabbed P.T.G. and used him for things that only the most
fearless scientist would like to explore in first person. It was a very
humiliating experience, unless you happened to have an UB fetish.
Finally, when Tara came in a chlorophyll-shattering orgasm,
she let him go. Nearly squeezed by her vagina, P.T.G. could escape
between two contractions. Lucky him, because then finally the shrinking effect
took place.
All wet, P.T.G. headed for the hills, dragging Igor behind him on ten meters
of tongue. "I will be back! Tomatoes will conquer the world!"
Tara, reverted to her normal state - but then, what is a normal state for a nubile
young killertomato-on-the-good-side - quickly dressed into Finletters parachute which the
Censorship Crone dropped down.
"What! Are you still leering, you perverts? Wait until I find the power-down butt
CLICK!
The End