Cold Blooded Murder

Fort Kerium lay in deep sleep.
Except for the office of JB, who never seemed to be out of work. She was sitting over the usual red tape when she heard a scream. Wasn't that coming from Bravestarrs shack? She ran over, ripped the door open...and saw Vipra cowering over Bravestarrs lifeless body.
"Thisss...Thisss isssn't at it looksss!" Vipra hissed. Meanwhile also 30-30 had been attracted from the noise. "30-30! Jail this snake for suspected murder! And when she makes the slightest wrong move, blow her to pieces!" "Mmmrhaw! Sarah Jane will be pleased!" To the chagrin of 30-30, Vipra will-less let herself be escorted to the jail cell. She didn't even carry her usual Z gun. She just sat voiceless in the prison cell, while one house to the left, JB collapsed screaming over Bravestarr.

In the badlands, Tex-Hex was staring on his golden chronometer. (OK, actually not his.) "Where is this snake? She should be long back from, what did she call it?" "Recon -puff huff- mission, boss!" "Scuzz, you better quit smoking or one day I make you eat your cigar! Recon, yes. Or maybe she is busy stabbing my back again." A dark voice came from nowhere: "I can see that Vipra has been captured." "Ah, who cares, Stampede. Shall once take care of herself, our beloved Vipra. They won't hang her on the spot, she's just a little girl. Ha ha ha." "Huff puff ha!" "OK, change of plan. Carrion Bunch, raise your ears! Or antennas or whatnot. We do the same as every evening, rob a few carriages, raise a few bar fights, bully a few prairie people..." "...and get a fewhuffhuff nice cells by Bravestarr." interjected Scuzz, who took offense on the last one. Bad idea. The day he had to ate his cigar had been closer than he expected.

Dawn spread in Fort Kerium. So did the bad news in lightning speed.
"The trial is opened! And I think we can close it quickly, as Vipra was caught red-handed on the crime scene!" "Objection, your honor!" "On which grounds, Fuzz?" "Eh...uhm...the defender always says that in the movies?" Fuzz, declared official duty counsel, scratched his furry head. "Well, in that case...OVERRULED! As this is said too! Has the culprit any last comments?" Vipra quietly sobbed. The public was astonished, since they had seen Vipra shed her skin (OK, actually they didn't see the act, she wanted her privacy as anysnake would) but never a single tear. And then she said, barely audible: "Kill him? I LOVED him!"
JB went even more pallid as she already was. She raised her gavel and roared: "Vipra, I hereby sentence you to de..."
The magic (or high-tech, which is about the same) gavel refused to hit the desk, how much ever JB tried to hammer it down.
JB now did something ever unheard of a loving woman: She paused to think. The gavel refusing her verdict...was she speaking injustice? Could it really be that Vipra was innocent? Then a smirk went over her face. "Fuzz, please escort out the public." The public wanted to see Vipra hang like anybody else, but they were upstanding citizens and followed the courts order without complaints.
"Fine. My little gizmo seems to have doubts upon your guilt. In such cases, the old ones would have declared an ordeal. Since we have a crime out of love or innocence out of love, your ordeal will consist of giving 30-30 a blowjob. Up to the balls, and should you survive that, you will walk free." "Hiaaa! I show you that not only Sarah Jane is a big one!" 30-30 whinnied. Making this bitch choke on his horse cock would be a fine revenge for the death of his best friend.

Vipra opened her jaws wide. (They would have defanged her first, but for whatever reason, Vipra had no fangs.) JB probably would have got gag-bit even at the attempt to swallow this monstrous boner, but then, she only was after Bravestarrs stiff. Who was a stiff now himself. She softly cried, while 30-30s member slid ever deeper in Vipras throat with no resistance. Now it was buried so deep that you see a hint of its form from outside. 30-30 moaned. Boy, was this snake tight like a constrictor! How could she breath at all? (She couldn't, and had JB known that snakes can hold their breath for hours, she might have chosen a different ordeal.)
"I don't believe it, the bitch swallowed all of my fifty centimeters! Ooooh yeah, baby! WHHHEE!" Now it looked as if Vipra suddenly got an Adam's apple, but it was 30-30s horse cock that had flared up to quadruple size. Seconds later, he came buckets. Litres of fluid gushed down Vipras throat until she literarily drowned in cum.

"What the fuck is going on here?" bellowed a certain corpse.
"Bravestarr?! You live?" "Yeah, of course I live, although my head hurts like I had three of Handlebars sweetwater bottles. 30-30, what is your dick doing in Vipras gills? OK, let me rephrase the question, WHY is your dick in Vipras gills? OK, still not very sensible, HOW is your...ah, forget it." "PRRRR! We though the snake killed you, and so we put her on trial, and...whatever, she deserved it anyway." "DESERVED IT? Shaman sent me an urgent telepathic message, that a gross injustice would happen in Fort Kerium, and somehow he overdid the volume and I went into a stupor. And you jumped to conclusions? Didn't make the simplest tests? Boy, do we need a New Texas CSI forensic dept!"
So JB and 30-30 told Bravestarr the whole story while they jointly pumped three litres of horse cum out of Vipras lungs. "And then you sentenced her to...blowjob? Could it be that you are perhaps a bit...jealous?" "Oh Bravestarr, I love only you and I want you just for myself! Is that a crime?" "Oh Bravessstarr, I love only you and I want you jussst for myself! Isss that a crime?" echoed Vipra who came to her breath again. "Uh, Ladies, could we sort out this mess another day?" a blushing Bravestarr offered. "MURHHHAHA! Catfight! LESBIAN Catfight! NOW!" 30-30 demanded. (That was the second time today he totally mixed up the specieses.) "Get out here, Vipra, before I jail you because of slander, trespass, robbery, being flat as pedo jailbait and littering!" JB screamed. "Littering?" "Your scales are all over the place! Buy yourself a bottle of dandruff shampoo and get OUT!" "OK, OK, I'm out of here, but think of it, Bravy, I will give your dick the sssame treatment even if not under charge. You know where to reach me, jussst call my number!" She blew Bravestarr a kiss and vanished into the night.
"Arrrgh! I'd follow her and kill her with my own hands if that wouldn't be a crime! Bravestarr! Fuck me now on the judge desk before I forget myself! It's your duty to hold the law!" "Yeah, buddy! Fuck her on the judge desk as this mare is in heat! WIHI!" 30-30 supported.
Instead, Bravestarr stormed out the room and into Handlebars bar, emptying ONE of his sweetwater bottles. (A man must know when he had enough.) The he rode out into the wilderness to have a talk with Shaman about the birds and the bees.

JB lie in her bed, whining.
"Oh Bravestarr, you have Eyes of the Hawk, Ears of the Wolf, Speed of the Puma and Strength of the Bear, but when it comes to a woman's need, you have Brain of the Chimp!" And she set her Gavel to vibration mode.

"So where have you been again? Backstabbing me as always? Oh, that's why they let you go, that's no crime! Bleech, your breath smells like fish! Worse than Scuzz! Ah, nevermind. This is our new plan. We need a distraction. The distraction is you. Have you ever thought about getting a boob job? You would be a much better distraction that way. Cactushead and Thunderstick, you two ride to the Trading post and..." Vipra sighed. This was Tex Hex on a GOOD day. She cursed herself that she didn't nick JBs gavel on the fly, she heard it had a vibration mode...

Also this night, on Starr Peak...
"Bravestarr, I never saw you drunk before. What's on your mind?" "Shaman, JB and I, we used kissed a bit around like teenagers, nothing more, but today she declared she loves me dearly!" "And that's a bad thing?" "She always was like a big sister to me, it feels so wrong...and if that's not complicated enough, today Vipra declared her undying love for me too !" "VIPRA? Come on, what lame trick is that? You surely wouldn't fall for that!" "It's no trick. She really meant it. She even...Sigh. I spare you the details." "So what? She still is plain evil." "But that's what makes her so devilishly tempting! She's so attractive... OK, her boobs only a Belgian could love. But JB is so...damn square. Oh, why does everything have to be so complicated with women? I smacked 30-30 in his gob, he smacked mine, and we were bestest buddies for life after that. That's how things shall be." "Follow your heart, Bravestarr, just follow your heart."

"And then he said that I should follow my heart." "PRRFTZ! No what do you expect from Shaman than deep words of wisdom? Have an advice from your bestest buddy: follow your dick instead." "30-30, for you that's easy to say, with half a meter you can follow it in darkest night! We humans are a bit more complicated..." "PRH. As you wish. Then go ask Fuzz instead, he's the expert casanova..."

The Hexagon also had a secret visitor that night...
"Stampede, why are these humans always so obsessed with large mammaries? I'm laying eggs, bugs me why I have some at all! But JB derided me, Tex Hex complained, and I bet my Z Bravestarr would like them larger too!" "MU-WHA-WHA! Not only humans! My old lady, she was a cow with ZZ-plus udders! Here!" Stampede zapped Vipra with his evil magic, and her boobs instantly grew to fanfic format. "EWW! I'm keeling over! How shall I fight with those monstrosities, it totally ruins my equilibrium!" "MU-WHA-WHA! Such are the labours of love! Next time you see Bravestarr, tell him that I want to make a deal with him. He shall meet me here in the Hexagon. Unarmed. My honestest Big Bad Broncosaur word that he will not be harmed. I'd even lock away Tex Hex in that old mine!"

Several days later.
"I'm here, Stampede. All my friends warned me you are just talking bull. But being a goody-two-shoe, I give you the chance. So what's your deal?" "Easy. You can't decide between JB and Vipra?" "Or none. In a nutshell." "And why not all of them? Do you know how many cows I fucked?" "So that JB will jail me for bigamy?" "The word was 'fucked', you twit. I wasn't married to my herd after all." "This is...against all convention..." "But not illegal." "Not they are so jealous, when I'd sleep with one, the other would storm in and scratch her eyes out!" "Exactly, and here we come to the deal." "What deal? It isn't as if you, like, could give me two members!" "Oh young Indian, you have strength of the bear, etc. yadda yadda, but you evidently never heard of 'Hemipenes of the Snake'. Flunked Biology 101A?" "Hemiwhat?" "All male members of Vipras race have two members. Perhaps because the females are such jealous clingers, what do I know. As none of my cows ever dared...but I digress. So, I can teach you that spell." "Uhm...and your part of the deal? Whatever it is, FORGET IT!" "My part of the deal is nothing. Nothing at all. Zilch. I'll give it for free. Yes, I have certain thoughts in the back of my mind, but those are none of your business. You'll see soon enough what's in for me. Repeat, I give it for free and you can take it or leave it." "OK, OK. I'm good with that, since we'll fight each other afterwards like always anyway, but we must at least change the wording." "Wording?" "Yes. 'Hemipenes of the Snake' doesn't scan. 'DICKS OF THE SNAAAAAAKE' is much better." "Feel free. I don't think it makes a difference with the magic. And if you also want a funny sound effect to that, the FX room is to the left."

"He taught you WHAT?" "Jealous, eh? Now you are not the only guy in town with two guns." "WIHAHA! Mine are still bigger!" "Now I only have to bring the news to JB and Vipra...oh lord... this will be murder...can you cover my ass with Sarah Jane?"

The moment of truth was there. "So you will get me unisono, and that is the deal. If you still prefer to kill each other, fine, but then the other must hang for murder." "Bravestarr, this is so sick!" JB ripped of her clothes and stood in the nude. Even 30-30 whistled. "Look at this perfect body! You want to share that with a... snake?" "Thisss sssnake can ssshow you pleasssuresss no human can ver give you. Ssseee, I even enlarged my breassstsss for you even if thisss isss totally unpractical!" Vipra also stood there in her exotic nude beauty, balancing hard. "Bitch!" "Cow!" In no time, they were at each others throats. But luckily 30-30 had done a bit of foreplanning for this case. From his endless pockets, he produced a lasso, and within seconds, the two gamehens (we'll NEVER get the species right) were trussed up like heifers, in a firm lesbian twosome. He crowned his artwork with a gag that forced the two together in an eternal kiss. "So. Maybe your bodies now can accustomate to each other. Bravestarr, I leave you here. Protip: If the two mares have orgasmed a few times, they will eat from your hand."

"Ladies, will you be nice to each other now?" "MMMMPF!" "NNNG!" JB and Vipra pedalled wildly. "So there. The punishment for jealousy is the Tongue of Submission!" Bravestarr began to lick the girls clits. (Vipras genitalia were a bit slit-like, but in that point she was not different from a human. Snake females have the right to enjoy too.) 30-30 had bound them together in a way that Bravestarr could lick them at the same time and none could complain about being neglected. They didn't complain. After a short time of squirming, they went limp and enjoyed. Bravestarr did a bit of mine prospection with his fingers. He found total wetness and hotness. (But no Kerium, natch.) It now was time for...
"DICKS OF THE SNAAAAAAKE!" His snakes snaked into JB and Vipra. The hemipenii were even inflatable like their natural counterpart, and so he inflated them until they were firmly locked in the ripples of the girls vaginas, stretching them to the max. JB and Vipra went completely mad with lust. And just as their vaginas contracted in orgasm like a vice, 30-30 stormed in. "Sorry buddy to interrupt the moment! PRRR! Tex Hex is just robbing the bank!" Bravestarr wanted to jump up, but naturally he was stuck. So he needed another five minutes to shoo out 30-30 to go for the robbers on his own at the moment... and another five to get back the mood and ejaculate (in that moment he didn't think of family planning, but in any case, it was semen of magic nature which was no good for impregnation)...and another ten to make the girls faint with a megagasm since their vaginas simply refused to open their lock, Vipra being especially clingy...and when he finally could deflate his rubber snakes, Tex Hex was already over the hill and far away. Bummer. Now Bravestarr understood what Stampede had meant.

"Bravestarr, think positive. Vipra is completely enthralled by you and will quit evildoery. And she was the only of the pack being capable of cunning planning. We'll nail the others soon enough." "But when, Shaman? JB and Vipra now want sex every morning, evening and whenever they are in the mood! We had to heavily reduce the business hours of the bank already!" "Bravestarr, at least I can now teach you the spell 'Stamina of the Llama'..."

The End