"Yuri, you NEVER let me have some vore fun..." "I am your older sister and I know it better! Shut up! Do you REALLY want a desperate search party in our woods hunting us? Wait, I had it somewhere..." "AAAARGH!" "AAAARGH! "MMMPF!" "The head of Uncle Basutarado! Damn your eyes, all eight of them, do you have to spook me that way?" "You see, our uncle-twice-removed..." "Your Spidery Highness", Higgs slimed, "aren't there only cousins twice removed?" "No, no, Mother removed him first, and when he didn't get the hint and came back, she removed him from the gene pool ultimately. You see, he was a pervert even by human standards, doing unnameable things involving 30 Chinamen and a zeppelin..." "Aaaaand?" "I said unnameable! Well, I suggest you (whisper)..."
"Oh Daddy! It was horrible! I was so dumb and walked at the
edge of Staythefuckout Forest, when from the forest there
came a giant spider who abducted me! This peasant lad heard
my cries and immediately came to the rescue, without any
fear of his own life. But he was too late to save my maidenhood,
because when he arrived, the spider already raped me. Just
when the spider was about to plant his deadly seed into my
womb, this lad ripped off the spiders head just with his
strong peasant hands and at least saved my life, whilst not my
honor. Ohnoeeeees!" The princess managed to produce a tear.
Higgs stood there deadpan, anxious not to blow the scene,
just holding up the head of the unfortunate uncle
"Fuck. We are royally screwed! Prince Doofus will send back opened goods. Oh, the shame! Hope he doesn't declare war on Speckles! Ah, I think we make the story public, tripling the distance to woods edge and doubling this young lads heroism. Subject! Are you willing to marry this princess, although she has been defiled badly and isn't worthy for any royal marriage any longer? You get a peerage and a quarter of the kingdom to make the choice easier!" "Your Majesty, for the sake of reason of state, I will, and I swear to love my wife as if this dire story never happened, Sirrrre!" "Good! Vezir! Get the priest! The press! The historian! The catering!"
And so Higgs and Bodleia married and lived ever happy after, and to top off the all-out happiness, Prince Doofus didn't believe one word of that story, personally went into Staythefuckout Forest and promptly got mpreg'ed by Tachi, which resulted in his horrific end. Although I won't explicate the gory details. But everybody agreed that asshole fucking deserved it.
NOW it's The End