Continuity Editors Note: How much of this Tasmia Mallor is Shadow Lass and how much pure Umbra and before or after which crisis or hour the story plays...well, I couldn't give a more flying fuck.
"There is a vampire stalking the streets."
Tasmia jumped up, startled. Of course not because she would be afraid of vampires. After all, she was the one and only Shadow Lass.
"Imra, how often did I tell you to show up in person instead of jumping into my thoughts? And now buzz off, Superboy shall fry him to ashes with his heat ray."
"It's a vampiress." Saturn Girl tried to keep her cool.
"Then Superboy shall fry her to ashes, dammit!"
"A vampiress with a reputation. In fact, after seeing her pic all the LSH boys instantly volunteered. I won't go into the details of Cham's performance...Us girls told them the next one popping his eyes out would encounter migraine saison until Darkseid quits being a baddie."
"Then Supergirl shall fry her to ashes. And tell Lar-baby he's scheduled for an urgent date with Sandmans sis... he should already been grown accustomed to that...after I finished my beauty sleep."
Imra exploded. "Supergirl once had an encounter with the vampiress (Editors Note: As told in Games of Snooker) and ever refused to talk about the incident. And you are a creature of darkness yourself, and with your powers you are our best match against a vampire. Official LSH order. Vamoose!"
Tasmia never knew that one can indeed yell telepathically.
Tasmia drew her Holy Water Super Soaker (from the ultra-hip LSH "Girls with Large Phallus Symbols" gizmo program) and went into cloaking mode when she found her target. This was going faster than expected - every henchbaddie in the town had been eager to help her. She just wondered why everybody kept calling her Nyx. Editors Note: Look at Tasmia's tiara, then you know! Of course she had had no interest to light up the confusion.
"Freeze! Caught you red-handed! Now stick your fangs in the air!"
Vampirella dropped her latest victim and looked around. Then she sharpened her ears. But she saw nothing but dark alley.
"Me and my luck. Is this another ACME Hackneyed Misunderstanding Plot (tm)? Now come out so I can spank your ass, coward."
"May I interpret this as resistance, O Big Mouthed One?"
"You may interpret this as your Famous Last Words, moron!"
"For the LSH protocol: Resisted arrest. Now eat this!"
Shadow Lass fired the whole load on Vampirella. To her dismay, she didn't burn to cinders. Tasmia tried to overcome her surprise with a lame "Now you are all wet!". Very bad move.
"Legion of Super-Hardheads. I should have known. OK, I could have taken the insult that word hasn't reached you I belong to the goodies. I could have taken the insult that you think I'm your run-of-the-mill vampire and you ruined my costume." Vampirella undressed and carelessly dropped her scarlet bikini to the ground. Nefarious boobs, Tasmia noted mentally. Mon-El, I just went lez. She giggled, again behind Vampirella who now raised her voice for Dramatic Conclusion. "But no, you had to out-pun me too. And that deserves pun-ishment!"
"Neener, neener, first get me, blind batgirl!" Again Tasmia quietly circled behind Vampirella.
"Does Mon-El like your Boss Nightshade perfume?" Vampirella snapped.
Then she pointed her pretty nose in a direction of absolute emptyness, and a heartbeat later, she was at Shadow Lass' throat.
Tasmia was a really good hand-to-hand fighter and had the
additional advantage that Vampirella couldn't see or hear a thing
within her field, but of course she wasn't a match for a ticked-off
Vampirella. Within seconds, the Scarlet One had ripped off Tasmias
costume and used it to bind and spread-eagle Tasmia for good.
"The Comics Code!" Shadow Lass managed to squeal.
"Wrong universe!" Vampirella retorted. "So, Circumventive Bitch, I still can't see you or hear you...but I can feel you!" Caressing hands swept over Tasmias breasts. "I can smell you!" Vampirellas head moved between her thighs. "I can eat you!" Vampirella used the Tormenting Tongue Technique on the helpless Tasmia. "No! No! Mmmmh! Oooh! AAAAA!"
Men jacked off in less than ten seconds when Vampirella gave them the treat.
Women resisted only vaginally...eh, marginally longer.
"Ha! Now you are all wet!" Vampirella inserted the bloody obvious pun into the conversation and two fingers into Tasmias pussy. Then she played the funny game Hunt The G-Spot. "This should be forbidden by the Geneva convention, right?" "AAAAH! AAAAH!"
Vampirella got bored. Tasmia was absolutely no match for her. And then her cellular phone rang and ruined the spirit of the moment completely. Inside Shadow Lass' field Vampirella only could sense it by the vibration alarm. She threw Tasmia over her shoulder and fumbled in the dark until she found it. Editors Note: Where has Vampirella the place to carry a cellular phone inside her skimpy costume? That's for you to guess and me to know. Dastardly, she pressed the phone against Tasmias clit. "For you?" "Oooooh! Aaaaaah!" "I guess not."
Vampirella took the call and pressed the phone firmly against her ear. Only faintly, she could hear Pendragon through the static: "Whole city...sudden blackout...darkness grows..."
Vampirella added one and one (Editors Note: Shadow Lass' powers grow stronger with each orgasm - see the LSH Porn Fact File or the story Standing in the Light) and came to the conclusion that the fun had to end before someone got hurt by the collateral damage of this fight. She gave Shadow Lass a last lovebite which sent her first into final orgasm and then into sweet oblivion from blood loss. Instantly, the field of darkness collapsed.
"Hmmmm, yummy, royally blue blood. I should bottle you for special celebrations, clam brain...ah no, count yourself lucky that I'm gritty realistic with a whiff of nastyness, but not exactly evil (tm)."
The teleport circle burped when it spit out a big parcel
addressed to Private&Confidential, To Lar Gand, LSH Headquarters,
Orbit. Vampirella had the decency to properly dress Shadow Lass
into her now somewhat wrinkled costume again before she mailed her,
and so Mon-El, who opened the package, found a hog-tied and not
very recovered Tasmia with a note "Next time don't send Smurfette,
losers!" and got so angry about that he nearly wrecked the
headquarter, could only guess what happened to Tasmia.
He still hopes that Darkseid turns good one day.